


Let's fall in love

by Zinna92



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, F/M, I'm Sorry, Immortality, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Open Relationships, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Soulmates, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 20:22:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 25,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7588735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zinna92/pseuds/Zinna92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee JiHoon have been alive more time than he even wanted to. He had seen family go. Friends and lovers too. He felt restless, sad and lonely. Longing his past relationship. He soon finds some secrets, a new -posibble- lover but he's scares, it have been a long time since the last time he could say he was in love, but things are more complicatedn than he thinks.</p><p>Jihoon is immortal and he mets someone that would turn everything upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't meant to be a chaptered fic but I'm taking to long to finish, also I'm adding too many cliffhangers and I want to make them real cliffhangers, the story is almost complete but I cannot say how many chapters or how many time I am gonna take to update (not too long).
> 
> I want you to tell me if the things aren't clear, so I can change it on the way I update.

1

Lee JiHoon have been alive more time than he even wanted to. He had seen family, friends and lovers go. He felt restless and lonely. That wasn't a way to live, all alone, wishing for a warm house and a loving family. He had it, so many years before that it seems like a lie. Like a good dream -that he wanted to repeat once again- but now it was over.   
  
He tried to die, to kill himself but death was reluctant to take him with him, so he was there, alive, not knowing what to do with his miserable life.   
  
He did knew that no matter what he did he won't die -a shot in the head and he was still walking among living-, so he did what a stubborn teenager would do. What a young adult would do to drown his pain and sadness.   
  
Alcohol was too light for him. It did nothing more that make him dizzy and talk about how hopeless was even though nobody understood what he even meant. Alcohol did nothing good, he hated it, he hated the hangover, he hated the throwing up so it was no use for it in his life.   
  
The place was dirty, rusty. Not that the people there really mind it, well to be honest, they mostly did not know where they were in the first place. JiHoon was sitting on an old couch, ripped and dirtied with time and with the bad use people gave it over the years. His back was firmly pressed to the back of the couch. He was staring to nothing. The wall in front of him was 100 meters away. The people in front was laying on the floor, all of them lost in whatever drugs they have been using.   
  
JiHoon felt so good. Nothing was worrying him, nothing was important. It felt so perfect, that little moments of calm where he didn't have to think and the bad feelings just vanished. Drown in whatever it was the world, he just focused on one thing and that thing became perfect, so happy, so unusual. JiHoon stood up, throwing the person that was laying on his lap to the floor, the person made no sound, no complaint and JiHoon couldn't care less. The world spun around him for a few seconds making him feel dizzy. He walked stepping on some people and stumbling with his own feet. He was still quite high. It didn't really matter.   
  
He left the old house without looking back, dragging his feet in every step. He was slightly shaking. He got weird looks from people as he passed by their side. 'How fucked up I might look?' He questioned in a instant of sobriety. He looked himself mirrored in a window shop. His disheveled hair revealed what he might be doing before. He got closer to the window to see if he could see something colored in his white skin. Nothing. JiHoon combed his hair fast. Looking at his childish reflection. He couldn't believe that he didn't aged at all. He didn't understand anything anymore, well, JiHoon stopped trying to understand when his daughter died ages ago.   
  
JiHoon walked into a tiny store in the street, he needed tissues and water. Tissues for his growing sweat and water because he felt like he really need some. He walked stumbling in the place, throwing some stuff to the floor without noticing, he didn't had enough control of his body yet. He reached the tissues dropping most of them. He mumbled an apology, rushed and incomprehensible. When he went to the water a worker handed it to him, the look on his eyes, made Jihoon a little uncomfortable. The man was heavily judging Jihoon. 'If you knew what I went through' Jihoon thought as he took the water bottle from the worker's hand.   
  
Jihoon never planned on fall in love ever again. He had already have lost several lovers, several life partners and some sons have been lost, nevertheless, when he looked at the man attending him he lost it. His sanity -and the little control over himself from the drugs- was gone. The man in front of him was blonde, tiny eyes, it seemed like two lines. Jihoon smiled. His smile might have been creepy because the man smiled shyly.   
  
"Soonyoung," the man said waking up Jihoon from his thoughts. "You looked like you wanted to ask my name," he kept saying and his smile blinded JiHoon.   
  
"JiHoon," he said as he payed for his stuff. He didn't felt as dizzy and high as before, but he could swore that the man -called Soonyoung- was as beautiful as he saw him because of how high he was. He left before he could do something he might regret. JiHoon wasn't a good person and less when high. He was either too aggressive or too affectionate. He left the store, looking back at the man, he smiled and waved to JiHoon, making him blush. He stepped out and opened the bottle feeling his mouth dry. He drank almost all the bottle at once and kept walking towards his home. He thrown the bottle into a trash bin when he finished it and opened the tissue box passing the soft paper through his forehead and neck. His head spinning around that beautiful face he just saw.   
  
_ No,  _ he scolded himself. _ This is no no, no love, you promised yourself that. No is no, JiHoon. _ But the image kept floating in his head and he found himself smiling like an idiot. He was infatuated. He pushed the thought outside his mind, he was high, that's was all.    
  
JiHoon opened the front door of his apartment. He thrown the half empty box of tissues close to his couch and sat there. Everything was still funny, the TV danced in front of him, he laughed at it, just before passing out on his couch.

 

 

2

The next morning, everything seemed like a dream. His whole life and the man had disappeared from his mind. Jihoon felt his mouth dry so he stood up to get a glass of water. The floor moving under him. He laughed, feeling tipsy. He took the glass, letting it fall on the ground, laughing at the sound, his laugh dying as he got again some consciousness on what was happening. Jihoon took another glass and filled it with water. He drank about ten glasses before he put himself to clean the apartment.

Every memory, every regret deep buried on the back of his head. That’s morning. The easy morning after the effect of the drugs. He was thankful of it. He really was thankful because not every morning was as easy as that.

Jihoon looked at his work. He smiled as he saw it spotless clean.

He forgot all his worries, but his heart shrugged. He felt like something was missing. He turned his head, looking at a photo with his old lover. The most recent one -100 years ago-, the one that made him swore that he would never love again.

The feelings made him feel as if he was choked. As if a pair of hand were on his throat made him unable to breath. The tears fell from his eyes. He screamed in pain. He ran towards the bathroom taking a bottle of painkillers. Taking all the pills he could on his hands and swallowing, choking at it. He felt his heart racing, it was difficult to breath as the pain hit him on the chest. He cried on the bathroom floor. Forgetting everything but the pain he tried so hard to forget.

Once again he wanted to die but he couldn’t.

Jihoon started to cough, his body trying to reject the pills he had taken. He threw some blood on the white floor of his bathroom. Not that Jihoon cared too much about that fact. The pain grew stronger inside him. Painkillers got no effect on him. Jihoon hit his chest in a vain intent to ease his pain, still crying, every second louder.

“Why you do this to me?” Jihoon cried out loud. “I didn’t wanted this life,” he heard himself saying, coughing again. “Let me die,” he kept crying until he passed out on the bloodied floor.

Jihoon opened his eyes feeling them heavy but not as heavy as his heart. He couldn’t stand that feeling building inside him. The emptiness of his heart. Jihoon stood up looking for some other pills, something stronger. The ones that emptied his mind from any worry regardless the world and his past.

Jihoon swallowed them dryly, without water, hurting his throat on the process. His body felt heavy, he tried his best to sit on the couch, letting the pill to get over his mind, he longed it. Jihoon had always the desire to forget. Forget all the years he went through. He had the desire to die, to leave the world as all his lovers and childs. He wanted to share something else besides the blood.

His mind went blank.

Even though Jihoon said he wanted to forget everything about his past, he was lying. It was a big fat lie.

Sometimes the memories were overwhelming. Sometimes the were fluttering.

The fluttering feeling came with the memories of his child, back in the past were he thought love was only meant to be between a man and a woman.

His first child was a girl. She was as beautiful as her mother. Jihoon loved both, his wife and kid but nevertheless, he felt empty.

Even now, in the present, he felt empty but not by the same reasons as before.

A smile was drawn on Jihoon’s lips.

He forgot the present he was living. The hell of the years trying to die besides his partner. Jihoon tried to remember his child smile. She had the smile of Jihoon’s wife. Big, soft and calming.

Then, something pierced his heart as he saw both die.

On the dark room of his apartment, Jihoon clenched his shirt desperately, feeling hot his heart shrinked at the thought. Without even noticing, Jihoon cried like a baby. Jihoon woke up and several hours have already passed, the tears have dried and he didn’t even remembered have shed them.

He felt his mouth dry. Jihoon stood up to look for a glass of water, finding the half emptied  tissue box and he felt his cheeks warmer.

“Oh fuck,” he muttered. “I’m so fucked.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is so fucked up, I really want to die.

1

Sometimes, Jihoon thought that the overused couch was more of his home than his actual house, as he found himself once again, sitting on the same spot, still high as usual. The world was spinning in front of his eyes, his hand over someone’s crotch. Massaging it slowly, hearing some soft moans.

_Here we go again_.

Jihoon pressed his mouth against the lips of the guy he was touching so shamelessly. The taste of his lips were far the one Jihoon was used to but it didn’t mattered anyways. Jihoon was used to love and there wasn’t any love on what he was doing that moment. It was lust and drugs.

There was something else, even though he didn’t wanted to knowledge it.

Jihoon was longing love, a lost love.

Nevertheless, Jihoon, didn’t wanted to fall in love. Not again.

 

2 

When Jihoon opened his eyes his eyes he found himself in an unknown place. He didn’t remembered anything. He forgot where he was, what he was and luckily to him, who he was.

For a tiny bit fraction of a second he felt like loving the guys lying beside him. It had to be the guy’s bed. The man was young and handsome. He had a slightly dark skin and it made Jihoon feel alive. The tanned skin contrasted Jihoon’s white skin.

“Good morning,” the man said. Making Jihoon comeback to the present.

“Morning,” Jihoon answered standing up to get dressed. Not caring about the man and his feelings.

“A thank you would make me feel less dirty,” the man said, hugging Jihoon.

“Thank you Mingyu,” Jihoon said, taking Mingyu’s hands away from him.

“You’re welcome Jihoonie.” A smile grown on Mingyu’s face. He got close to Jihoon to kiss his shoulder. “See ya ‘round,” Mingyu said, leaving Jihoon alone in the room as he cried.

Jihoon was the one feeling dirty or rather, he felt empty.

When Jihoon was completely dressed he went to the kitchen. Mingyu was there, bare chested and an apron.

“Wanna breakfast?” Mingyu asked, turning around to him.

“No thank you, I’ll eat in my house,” Jihoon answered.

“Drugs are not a good breakfast,” Mingyu said, again working on his breakfast, showing his back to Jihoon.

“I know, I’ll buy some bread on the way back home,” Jihoon said, walking towards the door. He was about to open it but stopped, looking at the door knob. “Why are you okay with this?”

“Well is me or whoever you find to fuck and I think is better with me, we don’t know with which kind of junky you’ll mess with,” Mingyu said, shrugging as if it wasn’t too important.

“I always wondered if Wonwoo knows,” Jihoon felt a pinch of guilt on his stomach. He was too sober, that morning and the night before. He hated it.

“‘Curse he does,” Mingyu said, he turned around looking offended by the question. “I told you, we don’t know with whom you’ll mess otherwise,” he retook his work. “Also, I haven’t been the only one to mess with ya, Jihoon,” he finished, making the older blush.

“Shut up,” Jihoon said opening the door and rushing outside.

It would be a lie if Jihoon said he knew that all along. He have messed several guys before Mingyu appeared but after Mingyu it was always too blurry. He might or might not have mixed some drugs, alcohol and pills making him unable to recall the night before when he got up in the morning.

Jihoon didn’t wanted to get close to anyone anymore, but yet, Wonwoo and Mingyu were reluctant to leave him even tho he have messed with both of them. He was a vicious person in their lives but they embraced Jihoon as an important being for them.

True to be said, it made Jihoon’s heart burst in happiness but it hurted too. He will see them die as everyone he cared for.

Jihoon’s mind ran wildly through his memories with the couple. He didn’t even noticed when he  entered to the shop, or when he took the food he wanted. Jihoon reacted to the voice telling him the amount to pay.  He looked up to the cashier, feeling his cheeks get warmer as he saw Soonyoung, smiling brightly to him.

“Hi,” Jihoon breathed. He saw something darkening Sooyoung’s eyes. “Something wrong?” he asked, a slight hint of nervousness in his voice. He handed the money to Soonyoung, he took it, without taking his eyes from Jihoon.

“Nothing,” Soonyoung said, smiling back to Jihoon. “Nothing at all.”

Jihoon could sense something wrong in that smile but he didn’t really saw it because he was, embarrassed. He felt like a schoolgirl. He even felt like the first time he fell in love with a man, no, it was stronger. He felt like the first time he ever fell in love. He felt his chest tightening, making him hard to breath. He felt like the time he fell in love with Siyeon.

It was strange. He didn’t felt like that before. No. He did, back in the time he met Seungcheol, but this was different, stronger, as if the beat of his heart was meant to be for the man in front of him.

“Thank you,” Jihoon said, taking the food and change. He left, not really wanting to. His cell phone ringed and he forgot Soonyoung existence, running outside. Hearing the voice on the other side with hope. With a foreign happiness.

Emptiness came all along.

Jihoon turned around to see Soonyoung happily attending other customer. It felt nice, yet, wrong at the end. It was a hint of jealousy.

“Yeah, I’m still hearing you,” Jihoon said to the man on the other side.

_“Dad had a letter for you, it seems it was from great-great-great-grandfather”_

“What?” Jihoon questioned, looking to the street, thinking on why Seungcheol could have wanted to hide something from him.

_“A letter, I thought you have lived enough to know that.”_

“Don’t be cheeky brat,” Jihoon said angrily, walking towards his house. “I’m still your great-great-grandfather, show respect.”

_“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry. Do you want to come for it or should I send it to you?”_ Jihoon thought about the matter. He stopped at a window, the window was darkened to it worked as a mirror, he looked to himself to look his disheveled hair, then the pink and red marks around his neck. The marks on his arm. Everything on him looked wrong.

“Send it to my house,” Jihoon said.

_“Are you running away?”_

“No,” Jihoon answered. “Not running, just hiding,” he finished. “You just saw me when I had something good left in my life, I want you to keep having that image in your head.”

_“Whatever you say grandpa.”_

“You were always a good kid,” Jihoon said, retaking his walking.

_“And you were always the best.”_

“Thank you, good bye,” Jihoon finished.

It was a lie. He never were the best. After Seungcheol were nothing good on his life than his old family. Down to his great-grandchildrens since his son have died years ago. Even before Seungcheol came to his life.

When he entered to his apartment, the letter was erased from his mind, his stomach was full with junk food and it became time for the party.

There were still dried blood on his bathroom floor but he couldn’t care less about it and the mess in the apartment. Mingyu could have not been the only person he did the night before but his memories were buried. It was no use to worry.

 

3 

It was something on Soonyoung that made Jihoon to panic around him, it wasn’t just because he felt something for the other. It was something else and it was scaring. Different even.

Nevertheless, Jihoon drove every fear and worry to the deep end of his mind. He was again on it but it was different.

His body felt lighter. His always clouded mind were lucid and he felt like smiling. Like the world was a better place. Was it?

The world danced in front of him and his lips were upturned on a smile. He wasn’t aware of it but he was giggling like a college student when his teacher made a funny mistake. Giggling as if he remembered something funny of his past but truthfully, Jihoon was giggling at the thought of Soonyoung.

Jihoon wasn’t remembering those fluttering moments he spent with Seungcheol as he always did but instead he remembered that big, blinding smile and the two eyes who disappeared with the smile.

Oh, his mind danced around those features, everything else vanished. The hair, the nose, ears, everything, it was just the lines it was formed. He saw them clearly and something in his heart pinched his chest.

Was he mocking him? Was he laughing at his despair? What he did know?

Jihoon’s throat hurted, it was a dry sore feeling and when he opened his eyes he found himself screaming. All the people around him ignored him. Ignored his pained sound and his presence. The old couch where he always liked to sit felt empty and wrong.

Everything felt odd, wrong, bad and it pierced his heart. It couldn’t be. The feeling on his body, the sweat on his skin made him feel angry at himself. He slowly moved his hand on his side, a slow awkward moment, taking a pill from his pocket, not hesitating on putting the pill on his mouth and swallowing it.

Jihoon waited a mere second.

Nothing happened but his sweat kept running. Nothing.

Jihoon clenched his fist, before moving his hand to look for another pill.

He swallowed  the pill dryly, his throat burning.

Nothing. He wanted the world to look bright, he wanted the world to spin fast, making his head dizzy. He wanted everything to look right, good. He wanted to stop having feels at all. To forget.

It didn’t came. Nothing came. Jihoon’s fears growth.

Jihoon emptied his pockets hurriedly. Taking everything out directly to his mouth, choking himself on the process. He coughed, he felt his lungs claiming for air. It was hard to breath so he hit his chest on a vain. Jihoon felt like dying, even close than ever before.

The world upturned in front of his eyes. Jihoon’s eyes rolled, his mouth opened and  everything vanished.

Death came upon him, or that was what Jihoon thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize on how I protrait Meanie relationship, you'll love them soon :') You'll love everyone I swear if not I will cry because I love everyone here I swear. Even Jihoon, you'll know why soon. Too soon. 
> 
> I would love to have some feed back about this story :')


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fateful meeting, kinda.

Jihoon was on a cloud. The sky was blue and in front of him it was everyone. Old lovers, friends and kids. They were there, smiling at him, Jihoon thought of crying out of happiness but that was unmanly, so he just smiled as his eyes were dry and hurted to contain all the tears. Jihoon walked towards them but at every step they were further away.

He tried to run but it was useless, he couldn’t see them anymore. He felt the weight of the years on his back. The weight of all the pain making him fall. The cloud was too thin for him.

Life weighted him down.

He fell, the sky that seemed to be too close got away. He could even see the clouds like before, getting smaller and smaller, being so far far away from him.

The fall seemed to never end and he didn’t felt afraid. This was what he deserved after all those years. He wasn’t afraid of what was coming to him.

The hit to the ground was nice, soft even.

Jihoon opened his eyes he found himself on an unknown place. It wasn’t his room, it wasn’t even Wonwoo’s and Mingyu’s room.

It was clean, the white walls made him think on an hospital, but it wasn’t the case. The place didn’t smelled like antibiotics and medicine, no, it even had a faint smell of food, making his stomach to grumble. Jihoon was surely hungry but somehow he didn’t dare to get up. He was scared but he didn’t even knew why.

The unknown scared him.

To be more certain, what scared Jihoon was not remembering what happened the day before. Jihoon recalled what seemed to be a dream. His friends and the fall, he had felt expectant of his death and this didn’t came to him.

Deep down, Jihoon felt relieved about not dying.

The door opened when he was still drown in thoughts. When Jihoon looked at the man at the door he thought he was still dreaming, that he was having a lucid dream.

“I don’t want you,” Jihoon yelled. The man in question drawn a smile on his lips, making his eyes disappear.

“Do you still have some effects ongoing?” He asked to himself, walking towards the bed. Jihoon closed his eyes.

“Go way,” Jihoon kept yelling. Soonyoung got closer enough to look open his eyelids to see the pupil. Normal. On Jihoon’s eyes were drawn something close to fear. Perhaps Regret. Soonyoung just looked at Jihoon, feeling his smile drop.

“It’s okay, I did nothing wrong to you, you don’t need to feel scared,” Soonyoung said, his voice was soft and honest but that didn’t calmed Jihoon the least.

“Did I?” Jihoon asked, his voice breaking a little.

“Nothing,” Soonyoung. “When I found you, you were in a bad shape.” Soonyoung said and something in his words made Jihoon to doubt.

“What do you mean?”

“You were…” Soonyoung hesitated. “Well, you’re good now, so don’t worry.”

“Tell me,” Jihoon sat up in the bed, trying to reach Soonyong, taking him from the wrist. The touch made Jihoon’s fingers to burn but he didn’t let Soonyoung go.

“You were convulsing,” Soonyoung said, biting his lip. “You were about to have a respiratory arrest.”

“Tell me the truth.”

“You stopped breathing for about 2 hours.” Jihoon’s eyes opened wide and Soonyoung’s hand tried to reach his but he moved away from his touch.

“Who else saw?” Jihoon asked, a few drops of sweat on his forehead.

“No one, you were having problems breathing and I took you here, then you stopped breathing, I thought you died.” Soonyoung said, a hint of something unknown brushed on his voice.

“Why didn’t you took me to an hospital?”

“You were having an overdose,” Soonyoung said, he stepped back. “You had with you some drugs that are not accessible in this country. You were let to die or taken to jail just after you woke up.”

“I have money for all of that,” Jihoon said, moving to get out of the bed, his head spun at the sudden movement.

“Yeah, whatever, I wasn’t gonna let you go there either way and you don’t want it either, right?” Soonyoung said calmly as he got closer to Jihoon. Jihoon’s opened his eyes wide. “You died but nevertheless you’re still alive.” Jihoon couldn’t say a word when Soonyoung reached to him, his skin burning at every touch of him.

“Go away,” Jihoon yelled but Soonyoung didn’t retreat this time. “Go away,” Jihoon cried, punching Soonyoung.

“Easy there,” Soonyoung said hugging the older one. Covering Jihoon with his warm. Jihoon enjoyed the feeling, it was something he missed but at the same time it was new. Everything regarding Soonyoung seemed new and unexpected to him. Jihoon pushed Soonyoung away from him, he suppressed a whimper when he felt the weight away from him.

“Don’t dare to touch me again.”

“Kay,” Soonyoung answered. “I made breakfast, come get some food.” He said as if Jihoon never were impolite to him. It made Jihoon’s heart crack a little.

“I’m sorry” Jihoon mumbled, embarrassed.

“It’s okay,” Soonyoung said, not turning to look at Jihoon, nevertheless, Jihoon felt good by his words. The door closed behind Soonyoung and Jihoon felt something within himself.

Jihoon didn’t knew the man at all, he didn’t even know how he knew where he was but inside him he felt something warm. Something different and he was sure it was just Soonyoung presence and just Soonyoung himself. Jihoon smiled at himself as he stepped out of the bed. His body barely responding at any movement of his. Every single movement felt odd, even when he tried to move his fingers to reach the nightstand to walk towards the door. His mind still rushing with the thoughts of Sooyoung, this time, he couldn’t smile at all. His secret was revealed to him, before he ever dreamed of.

Before Jihoon could ever dream of talking to Soonyoung.

When Jihoon reached the table, the food was cold and Soonyoung was sitting on it looking at his phone. He looked around. It was big, and the furniture was contemporary, no, everything about the place had that feeling in it.

“Yo,” Soonyoung said tiredly pressing some buttons on his phone and putting it on his pocket. “Let me reheat this,” Soonyoung took the plate before Jihoon could say anything and put it on the microwave.

“Thank you,” Jihoon said, feeling awkward about the whole situation.

“You do eat, right?” Soonyoung asked out of the blue. Jihoon smiled.

“I do.” Soonyoung sighed out of relieve.

“I’m glad, it would be such a shame to take this to the trash, it’s delicious,” Soonyoung said, taking the plate out of the microwave and dancing around with his hands as he muttered “hot”. Jihoon giggled.

“Don’t be silly, of course I eat, hunger it’s a pain in the ass,” Jihoon said and took the fork, playing a little with the food, waiting for it to cool down a little.

“So you have tried not eating,” Soonyoung said, kindly, jokingly and it made Jihoon heart twitch a little.

“Yeah, once, I think I lost my mind even more than with LSD,” Jihoon said taking a big bite of food. The taste was strange, it didn’t tasted like anything at all but he didn’t complained about it, he was used to it.

“Why?” Soonyoung asked, all his attention on Jihoon. “Why you do all that stuff to yourself?”

“I’m tired,” Jihoon answered, taking another bite of food to stop his talking.

“Why are you so tired, isn’t it beautiful see the world changing day by day?” Jihoon’s eyes opened wide because of the question, it wasn’t because it was sudden because at some point of his conversation it would come. No, it was because it was another point of view.

 _“Isn’t it sad?”_ Jihoon heard Seungcheol ask. “ _Isn’t it sad to see the world changing and moving but you’re the same?”_ Seungcheol asked again.

“You get tired,” Jihoon answered to Soonyoung. “You get tired of it because you’re alone.”

 _“It is, when I’m on my own, but you’re with me, we can see the seasons change, together. That’s the only time when nothing is sad, when I can see it with someone else.”_ Jihoon answered to Seungcheol, squeezing his hand in embarrassment.

“But you weren’t always alone,” Soonyoung said, breaking the spell on Jihoon’s thoughts.

“No, I wasn’t,” Jihoon said, taking the plate to wash it. Soonyoung took it away to do the job, their fingers brushed and even after that Jihoon still felt the touch. The feeling didn’t vanished. “But, after losing everyone I cared for it became a burden,” Jihoon let himself be honest.

“You have to enjoy it,” Soonyoung said. “You have to enjoy that you have more time than anyone to do whatever you want.” Jihoon laughed at how cheerful and positive Soonyoung sounded.

“It’s not easy,” Jihoon answered, smiling wide. “You get tired of watching people go away.”

“That would never be easy,” Soonyoung said and took Jihoon’s hand. “Because life tends to be unexpected.”

“Living one thousand years makes it more predictable and lose all it’s fun,” Jihoon said, brushing Soonyoung’s hand carefully.

“Some things gets predictable but other are unpredictable as ever, even after one thousand lives.” Soonyoung said.

“Yeah, something like that.” Jihoon said, and when he dared to look at Soonyoung he saw a glimpse of melancholy on his eyes but it didn’t lasted more than a second.

“Well, my job ends here,” Soonyoung said. “Are you okay now?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Jihoon said and a faint smile appeared on his lips. “Being sober while watching you makes you more stunning,” Jihoon let his tongue dance in his mouth and Soonyoung couldn’t stop it and he laughed.

“You’re still a little high, you know,” Soonyoung said between his loud laugh, he took Jihoon’s face with both of his hands, still wet with water and dish soap and planted a kiss on his forehead. “Get going, stay away from….” he said and looked Jihoon, his red tinted cheeks. “Stay away from another overdose,” Soonyoung joked and walked to his room. A different room Jihoon had walked out and for that fraction of a moment, Jihoon didn’t felt awkward or that Soonyoung was a completely strange. He felt like home, like a long lasting farewell.

“See ya’ around,” Jihoon yelled and walked towards the door.

It was meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had too little time when writing this but now I re-read it I feel myself overwhelmed. Seungcheol is ALWAYS in Jihoon's mind. I'm Jihoon x everyone trash. However I love I DO LOVE Soonyoung, here and everywhere. He's so calm and supportive and chachachan, this have a little, little spoiler, can you find it?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The secrets unfold.

1

Another morning came to JiHoon, when he opened his eye he found himself in Wonwoo’s room. The place was big, tidy and it had both, Wonwoo’s and Mingyu’s essence on everything, there were pics of both in a drawer in front of the bed. He stood up with a little pinch of pain on his lower back but Jihoon didn’t paid too much attention to it. He took his phone on the night table.

12 o’ clock.

“Fuck,” Jihoon breathed as he stood up as he could, with a sharp pain in his lower back. He ran to the kitchen, running into Mingyu and Wonwoo kissing. Their bodies pressed as close as their mouths. “Oh dear lord,” Jihoon breathed again, the couple parted away looking at the older one. “Wonwoo, your ass is on the food.”

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo said, moving the plate. “Want some?” he asked as he pushed Mingyu closer to place a peck on his lips.

“No thank you, now I’m leaving you alone,” Jihoon said as Mingyu pressed his lips once again over Wonwoo’s. “First, where’s my clothing?” Jihoon asked, moving as he could, the pain got a little unbearable with every movement of his.

“It’s by the sofa,” Mingyu said.

“Got it, thank you,” Jihoon said, running naked towards the couch. “Get back on you business,” he said as he put underwear and all his clothing fast.

“Aren’t you gonna have breakfast with us?” Wonwoo asked and something in his voice made Jihoon turn around. Wonwoo had a wild smile on his lips, inviting.

“No, thank you, enjoy yourselves,” Jihoon said and he heard Mingyu huff followed by Wonwoo’s giggle.

“Why are you in a rush?” Wonwoo asked and walked away from Mingyu, helping Jihoon to get dressed.

“Just because.” Jihoon answered.

“Of course, if you’re gonna see someone, better hide the hickeys,” Wonwoo said, caressing Jihoon’s collarbone. “Someone got over excited last night,” Wonwoo smiled at Jihoon, making him to blush. They were always so blunt and carefree about what they did. It scared Jihoon. Jihoon pushed Wonwoo, getting up to get to the mirror.

“What? Fuck,” he yelled. “I had told you to not do it, I was going to see my grandchild,” Jihoon said, almost like a cry.

“I forgot your skin was sensitive,” Mingyu said.

“Yeah, whatever, what’s done is done.” Jihoon said fixing his collar and walking towards the door. “See you later,” he finished closing the door behind him.

At the moment he stepped outside the apartment, Jihoon felt a wave of memories flooding his mind. He wasn’t as high as he thought. He did everything willingly, not in a libido rush as it always was. Jihoon started to walk, drowned on his thoughts. Worried about his new habits, of his changes.

He had gotten the life he had because it was the most effective way to forget about him and feel like he was really enjoying his life. It was like an oasis, and every morning he knew that very well and that’s why he decided to keep consuming them. To keep feeling like everything was worth the pain. Nevertheless he didn’t felt like needed them that much.

Jihoon, didn’t know why the sudden change on his regular habits. No, he wasn’t aware of the reason. If he was honest, he didn’t wanted to know why.

All thoughts about the matter stopped when Jihoon found himself in front of Soonyoung store. He entered and ran towards the candy section, taking as many as he wanted. He took it at the counter, dropping a few items into the floor.

“Why so many?” Soonyoung asked as he watched Jihoon pick the fallen candies.

“I like sharing,” Jihoon said.

“Are you a kid?” Soonyoung asked, a smile forming on his lips.

“This aren’t for me,” Jihoon answered as he watched Soonyoung mark all the items.

“Then?” Soonyoung asked. “Twenty dollars, please.”

“When are you out of work?” Jihoon answered and gave Soonyoung the money.

“Two hours,” Soonyoung answered, placing all the candies on a plastic bag.

“Let’s share this candies,” Jihoon drawn a wide smile on his lips. It was a playful smile that no one ever saw before. He took the plastic bag.

“Sure,” Soonyoung smiled back to Jihoon. “Where am I gonna see you?”

“I’ll come for you, just wait,” Jihoon said and when he moved to punch Soonyoung on the shoulder, he could see him frown. “What?”

“Hickeys,” Soonyoung said, caresing the marks around Jihoon’s collarbone.

“Oh, my skin is sensitive,” Jihoon excused.

“The first time I saw you, you had few. The second time you have a little more and really purple,” Soonyoung said, not really thinking about his words. “The third time were also some other.” Soonyoung finished and his eyes were focused on the marks, something on his voice sounded pained. It was close to a melancholy.

“Sorry,” Jihoon only find to say that.

“What?” Soonyoung broke his spell. “No, don’t mind it, is your body after all.” Soonyoung smiled and Jihoon found out why he loved Soonyoung’s smile. It was honest and reassuring.

“I’ll see you later,” Jihoon said, smiling back, walking away. Something on his heart weighed. It felt nice, nevertheless.

 

2  


Jihoon walked towards his apartment, nothing on his mind anymore. He stopped when he saw someone on the front door. The man was crouching in front of the door. He was handsome, tall and he would look like a total gentleman if he wasn’t crouching in front of a door with an expensive suit. The man turned and smiled when he saw Jihoon.

“Jihoon,” the man yelled excitedly and stood up, like a kid.

“Hello, Jae,” Jihoon said, walking towards him, getting a strong hug.

“Long time to no see you grandpa,” the man said.

“A few years,” Jihoon said, feeling awkward at the reunion. He walked towards the door to open it, struggling a little to put the key on the keyhole.

“Ten years?” Jae said, without erasing the smile on his lips.

“About, yeah, come in” Jihoon said when he opened the door.

“Sorry for the intrusion,” Jae said as he walked in, looking at the disorder, frowning.

“I wasn’t expecting visitors.”

“It’s okay, I came to say hello and bring you this.” Jae’s hand digged on the inside pocket of his jacket, taking a letter, the paper was getting a yellowish color.

“I told you to send it,” Jihoon said as he took the letter from the younger hands.

“I did it, I’m here doesn’t it?”

“I meant by mailing,” Jihoon retorted.

“I couldn’t, Seungcheol grandpa let a detailed intructions to give you this,” Jae said. “He wrote that by any means this should let my hands unless if it’s given to you directly.”

“He told you to gave it to me at this time?” Jihoon asked, watching his name wrote it on the paper.

“No, it was lost between some of his stuff,” Jae said. “I found it a while ago.”

“Okay, thank you,” Jihoon said, lost on the longing feeling.

“Another thing, he left another letter but he said to give it to you only if you asked directly for it,” Jae said. “So, I’m gonna wait for the call.”

“Okay,” Jihoon said absentmindedly. Jae hugged him by the back.

“If there’s something wrong don’t be afraid to tell me, ‘kay?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.”

“Then, I’m going,” Jae said, not waiting for an answer, opening the door and closing it as he stepped the other side of the doorframe. He took a cigarette from his pocket and lighted it up as he watched the closed door. He knew the contents of the letter.

 

At the other side of the door, Jihoon watched the letter, afraid to read it’s contents. It had been hard for him to get over Seungcheol’s death and yet he was here, having a piece of him in his hands. It felt like his downfall.

 

The time passed, tickling in Jihoon’s ears.

It was too much.

His hands were trembling as he turned the envelope to open it. He was afraid.

 

_Dear Jihoon._

 

_Oh, my dearest Jihoon, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I have lied to you for some time. I wish this come to you, just after my death, I don’t want you to be alone anymore, I don’t want you to be drowned in some self pity and bad things because you think that no feeling anything at all is better than feel the joy of the pain. The pain is not bad, is not your enemy, it means you have loved as strongly as your pain, it makes you human and a wonderful person. You are a wonderful person Lee Jihoon, since I have met you the first time until now and I believe you always will be even when you think you have fucked up. You’re not alone because of the same reason, someone have seen the light in you. This is not the reason I have wrote this to you but I wanted you to understand that. You’re wonderful, you’re a good person and the world is yours._

 

_Jihoon, from a few years onwards, I have lied to you, I think is something selfish I did for myself, for my sake. I can’t ask for forgiveness in this case and I also don’t want you to forgive me anyways. I always thought that you and me were meant to each other, that I was your soulmate and the love of your life but it wasn’t the case. There was someone else that got that title. I pushed him away from you because I loved you and I didn’t wanted you to leave me for him. I was absolutely scared of losing you. Nevertheless I heard his story, and I’m going to tell you everything I know._

 

_This man came one day to me, I thought he might want something from me, like buying something since his smile was wide and scary, but it wasn’t the case. He knew my name and asked me about you, you were always on low profile, so I got weary when he mentioned you. He reassured me, it wasn’t something bad but he did knew about your condition, it made me tremble. He said, he had known you since your birth, he knew you back when you married Siyeon but  at difference of you he died many, many times, every time you were meant to die he thrown himself to not let you die, he always died on your place and he reborn again and again, he remembered everything of his past lives, more than twenty lives all dedicated to protect you. I asked him why you never had mentioned him and he told me you never looked at him, not even twice or simply every memory of him in you mind had been erased after his deaths. I told him to go away, not because I didn’t believed him but because I really did believed him. I was scared this life of him you would look at him and leave me. This was long, long years ago, now that I am about to die, wanted to confess my weakness and sin to you. Maybe it should be your time to look and go after him, he was truthfully the love of your life and your soulmate._

 

_I have told your son to give you this after my death, there’s another envelope with the photograph of him and all the information about this life of him and all the ones before. If you want it, just ask for it, he will gladly to give it to you._

 

_I love you Jihoon and I apologize for what I did, hope you can always remember me._

  


_Always yours, Choi Seungcheol._

  


The words danced on Jihoon’s mind and he couldn’t help but cry. He wasn’t crying at the lie but at Seungcheol’s feelings. Seungcheol had loved him so much and so deeply that the idea of losing him wasn’t something he wanted in his life. Jihoon couldn’t put aside his happiness or the feelings growing inside his heart, making it hard to breath. He didn’t cared about another man, the love of his life, his soulmate would always be Seungcheol, that would never, ever change. He looked around, it felt like something was off, something was missing. He couldn’t bear all the feelings. His hands shook, no, his whole body shook at the sudden feelings, making him, run from there, he ran away. He ran away from the empty feeling. From the sudden memories of his lost love.

It would be a lie to say that Jihoon didn’t wanted to know, he was human after all and he was curious, but he also felt like looking for him, to let his curiosity win would betray Seungcheol. He was good this way, after all, the man should appear some day, it could be today, it could be tomorrow or even could be in 30 years from now. He believed the day would come and he would greet it happily but at the moment, he didn’t need such man or such feelings at all. He was comfortable with the life he had.

“Hey!” Jihoon heard making him to see the world around him. “Is something wrong?” he heard again and the voice sounded familiar but he couldn’t quite get who it was. “Jihoon, look at me, how much of that little thing you got?”

“I hadn’t get anything,” Jihoon answered.

“Then, what happened?” he heard but his mind was still too confused to see the other people as themselves, he just saw Seungcheol. Jihoon shook his head, looking at the man who already had his hands over Jihoon’s shoulders.

“Nothing, everything is okay,” Jihoon answered.

“It doesn’t look like nothing, Jihoon, trust me, please,” Soonyoung said, his voice sounding a little pleading, making Jihoon to bit his lower lip.

“I got a letter,” Jihoon said, putting the piece of paper in between he and Soonyoung. He took it the paper and Jihoon, didn’t felt naked or that he was showing something too private to him. The time seemed to have slowed or Jihoon lost his sense of time because Soonyoung was already giving the letter back to him, his eyes gleamed in the light.

“What are you gonna do?” Soonyoung asked, his words coming rushed.

“Nothing,” Jihoon answered fast. “If he had found me through all his lives, he can find me again,” Jihoon said, folding the letter to put it on his pocket.

“True, but.. Aren’t you curious?”

“I am, but it doesn’t feel right,” Jihoon answered. “I feel like betraying Seungcheol.”

“You wouldn’t be betraying him,” Soonyoung said. “It’s okay to be curious, but do what your heart tell you to.” Soonyoung smiled at Jihoon, placing his hands on his cheeks

“I’m fine like this,” Jihoon said. “I don’t need someone, I’m not ready.”

“Okay,” Soonyoung said, his smile still pressed against his lips. “Where are the candies?”

“Oh shit, I forgot in my house, I’m going, wait here,” Jihoon said.

“Let’s go to hang out in your home,” Soonyoung said.

“No, thank you, I like yours.”

“But…” Soonyoung whined. “I bet I’m your only friend that hasn’t seen your house.”

“No, you’ll be the first to get to know it,” Jihoon said, chucking.

“That’s a way better, let’s get going,” Soonyoung said, taking Jihoon by the wrist, pulling him to guide him.

“The other way,” Jihoon simply said. Smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you feel like loving Meanie? LOL Last time I got confused with what I had uploaded since I re read the whole thing before updating, this is where the spoiler is. But some had guessed it... but I think many might be wrong but don't know. Tell me your thoughts.
> 
> I loveeeeeee Seungcheol, always soft and caring and all scared because of his love. There are many many things I thought about his past relationships and all that stuff but not all became part of the story and maybe just implied most of them, so, if you get to ask something it is not on the story, I might as well tell you how the things were. 
> 
> -SPOILER ALERT-  
> At some point this story became a Meanie so wait for it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it the end?

1

The secret shared between Jihoon and Soonyoung made them become closer, letting Jihoon truthfully call Soonyoung a friend. Even when Jihoon was so fucked up that came into Soonyoung’s store, high and surely not in his best state, Soonyoung smiled brightly and helped him but never tried to stop him. Mingyu and Wonwoo tried to change Jihoon’s habits on the past but they grow tired of trying so they embraced Jihoon the way he was. It were years of trying to make Jihoon quit drugs, until they accepted Jihoon’s faith. Later understanding completely Jihoon’s situation. Soonyoung on the other hand never tried such things. He just calmed Jihoon with jokes and whispers and some occasional soft touches in between. He understood Jihoon the most, in a way that not even Jihoon understood himself, like if Soonyoung saw something else Jihoon couldn’t about himself. Nevertheless Jihoon didn’t felt the same, he thought he saw Soonyoung as everyone else, as himself, because Soonyoung had nothing to hide.

Jihoon looked directly to Soonyoung’s eyes, he saw them shine. Soonyoung’s eyes were sparkling and all Jihoon could find in them was happiness and joy. Jihoon wondered how his eyes would look like, would they shine as much as Soonyoung or they would look the same as every morning when Jihoon looked himself on his reflection. Sad and empty.

“Your eyes are beautiful,” Soonyoung said, moving a little away from Jihoon’s sight.

“Can you read minds?” Jihoon asked jokingly as he removed himself from the couch to take another glass of water.

“Just your mind,” Soonyoung said, smiling wide. “And it is because you’re an open book,” he finished moving himself to follow Jihoon.

“Curse not,” Jihoon claimed as he filled the glass.

“Well the truth is your tongue gets all limp and you say more than you should,” Soonyoung said.

“Shut up,” Jihoon said, punching Soonyoung on the shoulder.

“I’m being honest, don’t be so harsh on me,” Soonyoung said, his smile still present.

“Yeah, whatever.” Jihoon said an Soonyoung let out a little laugh that made Jihoon angrier, making him to start hitting Soonyoung.

“Stop, we’re gonna be late.” Jihoon looked at Soonyoung, watching his smile, his eyes and he felt like following him without any second thought.

“Let’s go,” Jihoon said and let Soonyoung to take his hand, it was a friendly touch but it made Jihoon’s skin burn, as if there was more on that touch. Much more of it than what Jihoon could think about on that very moment.

They left Soonyoung’s place holding hands, talking about trivial things, the weather, the sound of the day. Everything they could to make the talk enjoyable and nice. They walked together and they had an aura surrounding them. They headed to a cafe where Mingyu and Wonwoo had chose to have a “double date” as they happily called it much to Jihoon’s disdain. Soonyoung and him weren’t a couple, they were just friends, and barely. They just have exchanged phone numbers after several months of knowing each other, of hanging out and becoming something, close to called acquaintances. It was a long walk but Jihoon liked to walk, liked to see the surrounding, to learn, to experience, even if he tried to deny it, he liked to see how the thing changed over the time, not because he enjoyed it but to learn, to know what was happening and also to get more ways to get unknown by almost everyone. Almost, since he was there, walking in a old street, holding hands with someone he barely knew.

Yes, Lee Jihoon, barely knew the man called Kwon Soonyoung, he knew his name, his phone number, social media and his house but more than that, he knew nothing, nothing of his past of his friends, of the life he was living. Was it because most of the time he was close to him he was a little too high to remember what was happening? He didn’t know the answer but the truth remains that Soonyoung knew more about Jihoon’s past and life than he knew about the latter and it was drilling on the back of Jihoon’s head.

“What are you thinking?” Soonyoung asked, not looking at Jihoon at his side, looking at the street in front as he knew it, as he knew the old path in there.

“Can I really say it?” Jihoon, felt shy for a moment. Not knowing if the reason he didn’t knew anything it was because he had a bad memory of that he was enough high all those time that he forgot everything the other had told him over the time he spent together. Soonyoung nodded, a smile still tugging his lips. “I don’t know anything about you,” Jihoon said, looking at his feet as they walked.

“Is that so?” Soonyoung said, his smile disappearing. “What you want to know?” Soonyoung said.

“Everything you can tell me,” Jihoon answered, and Soonyoung stopped abruptly, looking at the other and drew a smile, tiny smile had formed on Jihoon’s lips.

“Can you be more specific, please,” Soonyoung said almost in a plead.

“What you do, what you like, hobbies, all the regular stuff, I have been thinking and I think you’re quite more quiet about you that I am with myself, well at least with you,” Jihoon said.

“Fine, I’m a medical student but I also like music and dancing,” Soonyoung said.

“Why didn’t you pursued a career as a dancer?” Jihoon asked, noticing how their hands weren’t linked anymore.

“Well, I had some worries all over the years and I think I should pursue this career to see if I can answer my questions,” Soonyoung said. “This way, it’s faster.” He said just to change the subject a little.

“Which questions?” Jihoon found himself clinging on that.

“Some, hard to explain,” Soonyoung said and Jihoon noticed how all in him had darkened. His eyes weren’t sparkling anymore.

“Well, then, you dance?” Jihoon said, changing the subject looking how Soonyoung’s eye started to shine again, ten times more than before.

“Yes, I do,” he said turning to Jihoon to look at him into the eyes. “I’m in a dance group and we’re gonna do a showcase soon, do you want to go?”  Soonyoung said, taking Jihoon’s hands in between his.

“Do you want me to come?” Jihoon asked in disbelief.

“Of course I do, the date is not chosen yet but when I have it I’ll tell you,” Soonyoung said, retaking the walking, Jihoon following behind. Soonyoung’s back was different, he remembered to look at Seungcheol’s back many times, wide, secure, he felt protected, he felt like the world could never end. Then, Soonyoung’s back was tiny, it wasn’t as manly as Seungcheol’s, nevertheless, Jihoon felt more secure, it felt like home. The sight didn’t lasted long enough because Soonyoung reached for Jihoon’s hand and placed him by his side. They walked side by side, silently, Jihoon thinking -over thinking- and Soonyoung simply enjoying the view and Jihoon’s presence, anything else was needed. “You like music, right?” Soonyoung suddenly asked and Jihoon let himself think a little. “Besides of getting high,” Soonyoung said, earning a hit from Jihoon.

“I love music, all over the years I loved it,” Jihoon said but his voice didn’t sounded as excited as Soonyoung had sound minutes ago, as if Jihoon wasn’t as passionate about it as Soonyoung was about dancing. Soonyoung noticed but said no word.

“Music, what kind of music?” Soonyoung asked.

“Classical music overall,” Jihoon said a little pensive. “Lately I like to hear soundtracks, some are really calming, and have an everyday feeling on them.” A smile grow on Jihoon’s lips even though, it was so small, barely visible but Soonyoung took notice on the change and he smiled too.

“You are late,” Mingyu said, tapping his hips with his hands, anxiously. When both males noticed they were in front of the Coffee Shop but they had forgotten the fact that they were about to go there in the first place. The company was so nice that time, distance and situations came unnoticed to both of them.

“Sorry,” Jihoon said, shoving Mingyu aside to enter the shop and sit besides Wonwoo and Mingyu coughed.

“My place,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo smiled fondly. Jihoon stood up and sat in front of them. “I thought you got lost, I was about to call you,” he said pocketing his phone.

“They were enjoying their time together,” Wonwoo said, trying to hold a laugh. “I’m Jeon Wonwoo, by the way,” Wonwoo’s voice trailed something in his tone making Soonyoung shiver.

“Kwon Soonyoung, nice to meet you,” Soonyoung said, bowing a little.

“I’m Kim Mingyu.”

“Nice to meet you Mingyu,” Soonyoung said, sitting beside Jihoon, watching and deciding what to order. The couple just watched them, feeling how their aura hit them. It was something intimate between them but yet it was like they were strangers. “Ok, I’ll get it,” Soonyoung said smiling, standing up to go to the cashier. The couple stared at Jihoon.

“What?”

“You said you weren’t dating,” Mingyu said, as if it offended him the lie. Getting closer to Jihoon.

“We aren’t,” Jihoon said, pushing Mingyu back into his seat.

“It doesn’t seem like it,” Wonwoo said, taking a sip of the cup of coffee he had in the table.

“Well, it’s the truth, you can ask him,” Jihoon said, taking his phone, just to ignore the couple that started to argue in calming whispers.

“Does he know?” Wonwoo asked, in his face was wrote the fear.

“Yes, he does know,” Jihoon said, glancing back to the couple.

“Why? Jihoon, it took you almost four years to tell us,” Wonwoo said, every second his face grow in fear, looking directly to Soonyoung when he came to the table with two frapuccino.

“What’s happening?,” he asked sitting besides Jihoon. The older just took a sip of his berbage.

“Nothing, we were just asking some stuff to Jihoon,” Wonwoo said, this time, his face wasn’t showing any emotion but under the table he was squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. Things rushed to his head, memories, things about Jihoon that only they have knew, but then, this stranger knew them too. It scared him, what made Jihoon trust him so blindly and so fast. Then again, they were building a bubble without noticing about it, they weren’t talking about anything important, coffee, the taste, how they liked it, when they liked it to drink it, the kind of beans, everything they talked was trivial, so easy to forget but there was something else in it, something he couldn’t get.

“Since when?,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo looked at him, pleading to stop.

“Since we met,” Jihoon said like it wasn’t important. Like it didn’t mattered. “But here is not the place to talk about why,” Jihoon finished and Soonyoung sighed at the dry discussion Jihoon was getting into.

“Let me tell you, that I have saved him to be put into jail or being an experiment subject,” Soonyoung said looking at Jihoon, for a second Soonyoung didn’t smiled and his eyes weren’t sparkling like before, as if it shine had disappeared for a second, for just a mere second.

“In that case thank you for your help,” Wonwoo said, still squeezing Mingyu’s hand.

“You’re welcome,” Soonyoung said, retaking his conversation with Jihoon. The bubble growing and growing, making the couple look at them, hearing them laugh, giggle and all the conversation. It hit Wonwoo.

Soonyoung could keep on Jihoon’s conversation. All the things mixed from his present to his past, those thing no one should understand, things that he and Mingyu got hard to get used to, Soonyoung understood them and it made the conversation between them going and going, and so easy.

“What’s wrong?” Mingyu asked, looking at Wonwoo worriedly, Wonwoo looked at his boyfriend and smiled, kissing him on the lips.

“Nothing, everything’s okay,” Wonwoo said, smiling softly. “Soonyoung, can you tell us about you a little.” Wonwoo said, interrupting them, Soonyoung smiled, the wide smile felt harsh but not bad. It was somehow, daring.

“Yeah, it’s fine, what do you want to know?” Soonyoung said and took a sip from his frapuccino.

“Everything, just tell us about you,” Mingyu said excitedly and jumped a little on his seat. “I want to know you, the man who knows about Lee Jihoon,” Mingyu said, a playful smile on his lips, Soonyoung smiled at him the same way and started to talk, to tell about his life, about his experiences and Jihoon listened carefully. The three of them listened carefully at everything Soonyoung said. Finding an outstanding man, smart, passionate, kind and funny. It was perfect, as the sky got dark and the evening got old, Wonwoo and Mingyu felt at ease with Soonyoung. They didn’t doubted the man a tiny bit, and they felt like he was a good addition to Jihoon’s life, he was making the reckless and messed life of Jihoon get into the right path. He was making the fucked up Jihoon, they knew happy, really happy but as he saw them he knew it wasn’t really love. It wasn’t because they were in love with each other, it was something else.

But, at every word spoken by Soonyoung he saw the fake happiness of him disappear. He saw pain, sadness and overall disappoint. Soonyoung faked the smiles, the happiness and Wonwoo really wanted to know why. Soonyoung was the one making all the life changes to Jihoon and if he could, he would help him to be truly happy with Jihoon, lover or friends, the way they choose to live their lives together.

 

2

As Jihoon trembled under his touch, Wonwoo felt like something in all of this was wrong. Wonwoo moved his hand over Jihoon’s torso, hearing him moan as he pushed himself inside him once again, trusting every time harder and deeper. The sound, felt filthy and unfamiliar, there was something different in all that even when Wonwoo had been doing it for a few years now. Without noticing he slowed his thrusts, watching Jihoon. 

“Don’t stop,” Jihoon mumbled, placing his hands on Wonwoo’s waist, just a few inches above his legs, pushing Wonwoo closer, all his mind lost on the ecstasy of the situation. Wonwoo obeyed to the older, feeling his soul leave his body at every thrust.

What was so different?

Wonwoo left Jihoon asleep on his bed, getting up to get a glass of water. He felt a pair of strong arms around his waist.

“Everything is okay?” He heard his boyfriend’s voice, calming Wonwoo a little.

“Sort off,” Wonwoo said, turning around to face Mingyu, looking at the fine features of his face. He didn’t felt like he was betraying him, or like he was cheating but he felt bad deep down in heart. It wasn’t because of Mingyu, it was because someone else. “Jihoon is asleep in our bed.”

“Oh, is that so?” Mingyu giggled at the new pieces of information, ruffling Wonwoo’s hair to place a kiss on his forehead. “Take a shower, I’ll make dinner.” Mingyu smiled.

“I don’t feel okay with this anymore,” Wonwoo confessed, looking directly to Mingyu’s eyes, looking at the surprise in them and also, something close to sadness.

“It’s okay,” Mingyu reassured smiling, “but, why?” he asked moving his hands over Wonwoo’s arms.

“I don’t know but it doesn’t feel right anymore,” Wonwoo said, throwing his arms around Mingyu’s shoulders to hug him. Mingyu let a chuckle escape from his lips.

“I think I know why,” Mingyu said, smiling. “But there’s nothing to worry about,” he said placing another kiss on Wonwoo’s forehead. “I think he’s just used to us, have you noticed that he had come less times,” Mingyu smiled. “He’ll soon notice,” Mingyu said and pushed Wonwoo to the bathroom. “Take a shower, I’ll make dinner.”

Mingyu walked towards his room, looking at the mess on the bed and Jihoon  tangled in between his sheets. He entered the room and sat on the bed, caressing Jihoon’s face, softly, with care, as if he was a precious object. 

“You have to understand.” Mingyu said. “We love you and we agreed to this but he didn’t,” He stopped to place a kiss on Jihoon’s temple. “Also, you’re not the same. We’re not the same.”

The moment Jihoon opened his eyes and left the room, he found the couple cuddling on the couch, laughing, watching the television and his food neatly placed on the table, kitchen plastic over it. It was a lie to say he hadn’t noticed Wonwoo’s mood in bed but the moment he saw them laughing together, as the sweet couple they were, Jihoon understood what hurted Wonwoo.

“Do you want us to make you company?” Mingyu asked when saw Jihoon walking silently into the kitchen.

“No need, you’re comfortable in there, just, enjoy yourselves,” Jihoon said as he took the plate and took away the plastic to heat it on the microwave. Mingyu pushed Wonwoo aside to stand up as Jihoon waited for his food to be ready. “I don’t want to eat watching your face,” Jihoon grumbled. Mingyu smiled and took Jihoon by the cheeks and placed a kiss his forehead.

“That’s gross,” Jihoon grumbled pushing Mingyu and cleaning his forehead with his forearm. Mingyu and Wonwoo broke into a loud laugh.

“Really? Says the man who just got laid with another man,” Wonwoo retorted still laughing.

“Shut up,” Jihoon said, trying to hide his pink cheeks, turning around to get the food out of the microwave. He placed the plate on the table, looking on how Mingyu and Wonwoo smiled creepily at him. “What?”

“We love you, you know,” Mingyu said making Jihoon’s cheeks turn a shade pinker.

“I love you too guys,” Jihoon mumbled under his breath.

“We know,” Wonwoo said. “I’m sorry,” he continued as Jihoon sat to start eating.

“Is this the end?” Jihoon asked.

“Not the end of our friendship,” Mingyu said, kneeling besides Jihoon. Jihoon kept eating silently much to Mingyu’s disdain because the silence made him uncomfortable.

“I know,” Jihoon said and let the cutlery on the plate, he looked at the floor. “I’m just sorry, to have come in between your relationship.”

“You haven’t,” Wonwoo said. “We agreed to this, also, it’s not like you’re trying to get us apart,” Wonwoo said and got up from the couch.

“To be honest,” Mingyu interrupted, placing his hand under Jihoon’s chin. “If you have done something, it was just to get us closer,” Mingyu smiled, that playful smile of his all over his face. “Don’t know why but it really made us understand each other a lot.”

“Still, I’m sorry,” Jihoon said, looking at Mingyu’s eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize about anything,” Wonwoo said. “We wanted to give you a healthy and safe life and it was the only way we could thought about doing it.”

“Of course, by fucking me,” Jihoon said and the sound that came of sounded offended, making the couple feel that way.

“Yeah, we couldn’t just go and take an stranger and say ‘Hey do you want to get laid?’ ‘Yeah ‘curse I want’ ‘Cause we have a junky friend that got a high sex drive when he is high’ No, we couldn’t,” Mingyu said, making Jihoon smile.

“Yeah, you couldn’t say that,” Jihoon said. “Sorry,” he repeated getting a hit by Wonwoo.

“You don’t have to apologize about anything, we chose to do it so, no worries.” Wonwoo said. “Just be safe from now onwards.”

“I will, I haven’t get that high lately,” Jihoon mumbled.

“We know,” Wonwoo said. “That’s why you don’t really need us anymore, just, jack off,” Wonwoo said.

“If you want toys, Wonwoo have a box in the closet,” Mingyu said hitting Jihoon’s shoulder playfully.

“Shut up asshole,” Wonwoo said, his cheeks all red, bringing out a laugh from Jihoon’s lips.

“No thanks, I’m fine by myself,” Jihoon said.

“Well all matters came to an end,” Mingyu said clapping excitedly. “When we can have another double date.”

“Mingyu, I’m not dating Soonyoung,” Jihoon retorted, knife in hand.

“Okay, we understand, just, hand me that,” Wonwoo said, taking everything that could be dangerous from Jihoon.

“If you really want I can ask him later.” Jihoon said. “I’m gonna see him tomorrow.”

“It would be nice,” Wonwoo said, smiling at him. He started to wash the dishes, humming happily, soon Mingyu joined him humming besides him and Jihoon couldn’t help but to smile too at the scene. He liked to see them together. Jihoon loved their relationship but by any means envied them, or maybe, he did. Because they will die, almost together but him would yet see another loved one die in front of his eyes. Young or old. He envied the ephemeral that was their lives but not their love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you feel now like loving Meanie? Because I do. I stan Mingyu, more than I stan Wonwoo but here, looks the opposite, you'll soon know. The best part is about to begin but... I haven't wrote a word last week so I couldn't finish it. But it's almost, I'm just agry to myself, I just fucked things up and I do not know how to fix what I did. And now I'll cry. This was one of the things I loved the most writing it. From the kind off date and that Wonwoo x Jihoon the whole stuff is full with something and yeah there's everything. I just erased the most important line in the whole chapter to you not know what was happening. 
> 
> What are your thoughts? Because Yeah, there's a big hint here.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fondness and fears.

1

If Jihoon thought about it clearly, carefully, he could find that being with Soonyoung was endearing. It was close of what he once called happiness, but it was just because he felt comfortable around the young male. He felt at ease and int that very moment both of them were watching the stars from Soonyoung’s building rooftop. It was hard to see something besides one or two white points in the sky.

“It was different back then,” Jihoon mumbled, trying to decipher it the new point in the sky was actually a star or something else.

“What?” Soonyoung asked. “It’s a plane,” Soonyoung said when saw Jihoon looking to intensely to the moving light.

“I used to see the sky showered in white points,” Jihoon said. “Siyeon loved to see the sky, she showed the sky tho Hyerim.” Jihoon’s voice didn’t broke but it was a trail of melancholy rushing out from every syllable.

“Yeah, it had to be really beautiful,” Soonyoung said. “How she was?”

“Who?” Jihoon asked, looking at Soonyoung whom still had his eyes on the night sky.

“Siyeon, and your daughter too, how they were?” Soonyoung said, looking directly to Jihoon’s eyes as the older watched him.

“Kind, both of them were kind, it might be because of the era we grew in, they had to be submissive and kind. Siyeon weren’t that submissive if you ask me,” Jihoon said a fond smile sourcing his lips, “But she was really good at pretending. I loved it, I loved her,” he finished looking at the sky that have seemed to sense his sadness, showing more stars.

“You really loved her,” Soonyoung said.

“Yeah, she was my first love, I think we shouldn’t had born in that time,” Jihoon said.

“You say it because you’re now here,” Soonyoung said. “But you enjoyed it, didn’t you? The easiness of that time.”

“I think I did,” Jihoon confessed. “But it was also heartbreaking,” Jihoon saw Soonyoung’s profile. “I have always been this way,” Jihoon said saddly.

“What do you mean?”

“Even on that time I liked man,” Jihoon said, feeling his cheeks red. “But the first man I was with it was Seungcheol.”

"Why?" Soonyoung felt the urge to ask.

"I don't know, I always had something for men but it never was a thing," Jihoon said. "I never felt like it was right."

"I get it," Soonyoung said, a playful smile on his lips.

"What?" Jihoon said, looking at Soonyoung.

"Nothing," Soonyoung said, his smile not fading.

"Oh god, don't be an ass and tell me," Jihoon retorted.

"No, not yet," Soonyoung said.

"What? What do you mean by not yet?" Jihoon got close to Soonyoung to hit it on the arm. "Just tell me," Jihoon demanded.

"Soon," Soonyoung said as his last words about the matter and Jihoon understood it, pouting a little by it. It didn't destroyed the mood, but it built another one, the one Soonyung wanted. The soft feelings of Jihoon floating around as he remembered everything. His life, past lovers, childs. Everything. It made Jihoon beautiful under Soonyoung's eyes. Not like Soonyoung thought that Jihoon's pain was beautiful but the experiences made Jihoon's child-like face look more stunning, mature and overall, perfect. Jihoon's develished pink hair shone in the light. "Why the pink color?" Soonyoung asked and Jihoon didn't turned to see him.

"Don't know," Jihoon said. "I wanted a change, I lived enough time with black hair, then when I met Seungcheol I became blonde, after his death wanted another change."

"It's too bright," Soonyoung said. "You make everybody to look at you," he finished.

"Is that how you found me?" Jihoon asked playfully and Soonyoung's face became darker, making Jihoon flinch a little.

"No, it wasn't that," Soonyoung said caressing Jihoon's face with the back of his hand. "You're bright by yourself, your hair would never overshadow you," Soonyoung said and his smile grew back in his face but Jihoon felt scared, somehow everything meant something entirely different.

It wasn't Soonyoung's words but what it could mean, because it meant love, fondness and even tho Jihoon wanted to have all of those it scared him. Somehow Jihoon felt that having someone else was to betray Seungcheol. Deep down he was developing romantic feelings towards Soonyoung and Jihoon didn't wanted it, he wanted their relationship stay like platonic friendship. He didn't wanted any change in that, even when the sole presence of Soonyoung made everything difficult and his words had a meaning in it and Jihoon didn't wanted to discover nor wanted to bloom.

Jihoon looked at Soonyoung and how the whole thing never happened, it made Jihoon think that maybe Soonyoung didn't even meant what Jihoon was thinking but then, it was the hot feeling on his cheek on where Soonyoung had his hand on and the sudden hot in his fingers. He looked at it and saw how Soonyoung was moving his hand to reach Jihoon's. He let him, feeling his fingers burn. It wasn't a bad thing, it was a strong feeling.

Without thinking, Jihoon took Soonyoung's hands and intertwined their fingers. The feel increased but it became a tingling one as he got used to the touch, no, as Jihoon wanted to pursuit the touches between them it became nice and bearable, it was the same burning feeling but at the end of it, it felt like tickles.

"I know you don't like it," Soonyoung said, showing to Jihoon their hands. "Thank you, I needed it," He said and Jihoon felt a pinch on his heart. Jihoon never, ever had shown any sign of discomfort on the touches in front of Soonyoung. No. Soonyoung never pursued any physical contact with him -at least nothing that could be intimate-, not after their first encounter, he always waited for Jihoon to make the first move. In that moment, Jihoon understood what he feared the most. It was Soonyoung knowledge about himself. Things that not even Seungcheol understood.

They stayed holding hands and intertwined fingers until the end of the night when they could barely kept their eyes open. Jihoon could feel his heart burst into flames, all the forgotten feelings pouring out of his chest. He embraced them in that moment because it was Soonyoung the one making him to start to feel all of that again. Jihoon was thankful.

Jihoon just enjoyed those feelings that moment, those seconds, but at the end of the night, when he parted ways and his heart kept pounding in his chest like crazy, on that moment, Jihoon didn’t enjoyed it anymore. He didn’t wanted those feelings anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehehe I loved to write this. This is the most nice things in the story. This is how I see Jihoon. All soft and he feels too strong that he gets hurt and scared over little things but Seungcheol is the most important person in his life. You'll know soon enough when I'm able to write about the matter. 
> 
> Just to tease, I've wrote 49 pages on word, this is on the 30 page. If I keep writing, It gonna turn out even longer and tbh it's the longest thing I have ever wrote.
> 
> On other news. I've got a job. Jejejeje so, this updates will come less frequently also I have been procrastinating so I haven't really wrote a lot. But overall wish me luck on my new job, tomorrow I'll go to talk about schedules and payment and all that stuff so I'm worried as heck. I need money, my wallet cries people. My wallet.
> 
> Hope you like this and you became a little ball of feels because this is the fluffiest thing I can ever write about.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He fucked it up.

1

A loud bang woke up Wonwoo from his nap, he stared at the door, watching Mingyu come out from their room hurriedly. He looked at his boyfriend as he opened the door. Behind it it was a bundle of messy purple hair. In the very moment Jihoon saw Mingyu, he pushed him inside the apartment, placing his hands around Mingyu’s neck. Mingyu pushed the door to close it, his other hand around Jihoon’s waist, pushing it closer to his body and lifting him a little, to made Jihoon able to kiss him, because by the time Mingyu got time to think what was happening, Jihoon was already devouring his lips. Mingyu took Jihoon by the arms, pushing him away a little. Looking directly to his eyes. 

“Jihoon,” Mingyu said, his face contorting on fear. “Are you high?” Jihoon didn’t answer the question, his eyes lost. Pupils dilated. Jihoon, placed again his hands around Mingyu’s neck.

“Fuck me,” Jihoon said, tiptoeing to be able to kiss Mingyu’s lips. Mingyu answered the kiss briefly. Mingyu looked at Wonwoo on the couch. Wonwoo looked at him with a terrified look drawn in his face. He shook his head almost too intensely but then Jihoon kept trying to fish on Mingyu’s lips and rubbing his body against Mingyu’s, too fervently.

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo pleaded, not hurt but scared.

“What do I do?” Mingyu answered in between his kisses with Jihoon. Wonwoo looked at Jihoon. Lost and hurt.

“He’s trashed,” Wonwoo said and Mingyu took that as the agreement he was looking for. Mingyu hugged Jihoon strongly against his body, pressing his lips against Jihoon’s soft ones. He walked towards the main bedroom, Jihoon body pressed against his. When Mingyu entered to the room he parted ways from Jihoon, pushing him inside the room and muttered a soft ‘I love you’ to Wonwoo.

Wonwoo, on the other side of the door could hear everything and he was hurt, not because it was Mingyu there, having sex with someone else. It was because Jihoon was there, trashed as the first time they ever known him, his eyes full of pain and sadness. Wonwoo was hurt because Jihoon who seemed to have found peace in his life, was there, again broken and he loved him enough to want him to be happy.

Mingyu on the other side of the door, with his hands busily traveling around Jihoon’s body, hearing his heavy breath and looking at his lost eyes, was hurt. It was normal see him like that once in awhile. Even when he was used to see him like that, moving as if he needed a dick inside him, now, it saddened him. It would be a lie if he said he didn’t enjoyed having sex but like this, with Jihoon in a deplorable state, he hated it, but he was caring at the end of the day.

Jihoon’s breathing became every second heavier and Mingyu could see a single tear rolling down Jihoon’s cheeks. Mingyu took Jihoon’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

“It’s okay,” Mingyu said to Jihoon’s ear. “Are you hurt?” Jihoon shook his head but he saw how he kept crying, starting to sob lightly.

“Seungcheol,” Jihoon mumbled in between his sobs and it made Mingyu to stop. His body froze. He placed several kisses under Jihoon’s eyes, cleaning the tears before it dried.

“It’s okay Hoonie, everything is okay,” Mingyu said, softly into Jihoon’s ear. Jihoon tightened his grip on Mingyu’s hand.

“Keep going,” Jihoon breathed and Mingyu obeyed but his pace was slow, caring and Jihoon couldn’t be more pleased.

Jihoon moaned in short breathes but at the same it felt heavy on Mingyu’s heart, perhaps it was because for the first time ever, Jihoon had breathed a name in the middle of sex, perhaps the name had a more heavy weight in both of them than they knew but then it came the real reason as Jihoon breathed several times ‘Soonyoung’ making Mingyu’s heart sank at the mention of the name.

It was because in the mind of all of them was Soonyoung, yes, he had changed everything, he made Wonwoo and Mingyu rest from their little play of Jihoon, it made Jihoon stable, happy even but then it was scary how a single person, from nowhere could do such things for all of them and Jihoon was scared because his feeling were bubbling up and getting in his skin. As more he saw Soonyoung and more he thought of him it became everything more unbearable. It was hard to breath because Jihoon wanted to hug him, to kiss him. Jihoon wanted Soonyoung to touch him the same way Mingyu did. Slowly, caring, lovingly but he didn’t know if the other felt the same to do it in such way, no, he didn’t know if Soonyoung felt as deeply as Mingyu felt, because even though Mingyu didn’t loved Jihoon the same way he loved Wonwoo, he could touch him as deeply as he did with Wonwoo -not entirely true-.

The unknown, yet again scared Jihoon, but Jihoon never stopped himself to think on what the couple he was messing with thought. He didn’t stopped to think that maybe, perhaps, Seungcheol wanted him to fall in love again.

 

 

2

Mingyu left Jihoon asleep on the bed and he climbed out the bed. Mingyu looked at Jihoon and cleaned the tears that were dangerously about to fall from the corners of his eyes. He left the room, letting Jihoon to sleep. He came from the room and found Wonwoo peacefully sleeping on the couch, the TV on, snoring a little, making Mingyu giggle. Mingyu walked towards his boyfriend and watched him sleep. He caressed Wonwoo's cheek and with the touch the older pressed his face against Mingyu's hand, Wonwoo was asleep but the known touch made him react. Mingyu left him sleep to take a shower, thinking that maybe the water would rinse his worries and all the bad feeling within himself but it wasn't the case. The time alone let Mingyu think and it made him feel worse. He scrubbed harshly around his body. He was dirty, he was wrong, he was hurting someone. Every thought running on his head climbed to make him cry silently on the shower, the water running and cleaning the tears but not his pain.

When he finished his shower, he saw Wonwoo sitting on the couch, now completely awake, Wonwoo was waiting for him so he sat on the couch, at the other end, not wanting to fill his boyfriend with all the overwhelming thoughts and feelings he was bearing on that moment.

"Why do you think he came so trashed?" Wonwoo asked, his eyes fixed on the TV.

"Soonyoung," Mingyu answered, looking at his boyfriend's profile, Wonwoo looked at him surprised.

"What? I don't think Soonyoung would be the kind to give him drugs," Wonwoo said, sounding a little offended, Mingyu smiled at his boyfriend's silliness.

"No," Mingyu said, a warm smile on his lips. "I mean, Soonyoung is the reason, not the cause," Mingyu said.

"That's the same Mingyu," Wonwoo retorted.

"I don't know why but Soonyoung is the reason," Mingyu said and gulped a little, feeling his cheeks get hot. "He was moaning his name," Mingyu finished. Wonwoo breathed an 'Oh' and looked again to the TV. "He was also crying," Mingyu said, looking at the TV. Wonwoo stood up to sit besides his boyfriend, his back pressed against Mingyu's chest.

"We cannot keep doing this even if he's trashed," Wonwoo said. "It's not like I don't want to share you or that I feel cheated on," Wonwoo said and Mingyu started to rub Wonwoo's arms. "Well I do feel like we're cheating but not on each other."

"That we're cheating on Soonyoung, right?" Mingyu said and Wonwoo  just nodded.

"I don't know why," Wonwoo said, feeling his heart on his throat, "but it feels like we owe him something."

"I know," Minyu said placing a few kisses on Wonwoo's head, "I think Jihoon is scared."

"Scared?"

"The reason he gets high is to not feel so bad about his past and about Seungcheol," Mingyu said. "He feels too strongly and maybe he's scared he's feeling something for Soonyoung."

"Maybe," Wonwoo said, "but we cannot simply ask him about the matter, right?" Mingyu shook his head and even when Wonwoo couldn't see him, he could sense the answer.

"We can still talk to him," Mingyu said.

"But he'll skip the topic," Wonwoo finished.

"Yes, he will change the topic," Mingyu said smiling, placing more kisses on Wonwoo's head. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"I knew I shouldn't had sex with him, yet I did," Mingyu said, ceasing every touch on his boyfriend. Wonwoo turned around to face his boyfriend.

"It wasn't bad," Wonwoo said. "I said it was okay."

"Yeah but Jihoon," Mingyu mumbled, Wonwoo just looked at him expectantly. "I feel I hurted him."

"You feel dirty," Wonwoo chuckled as his boyfriend nodded.

"A lot, I feel like I just abused him," Mingyu confessed, "He was in a weak state, he was crying in front of me," Mingyu said. Wonwoo chuckled at the sound of his boyfriend's voice but it felt empty at the confession. It was new. Jihoon never shown a soft spot for anything, as if he was cold hearted, but yet there was Mingyu saying that he was crying was a little too overwhelming. "He called Seungcheol," Mingyu said and Wonwoo's heart skipped a beat.

"We have to talk with him," Wonwoo said. "Now, let's sleep, okay?" Wonwoo finished kissing his boyfriend’s lips. Mingyu nodded, a sweet smile on his lips, he looked like a puppy and Wonwoo loved it. Mingyu got up and carried Wonwoo, he took him to the guest room, to sleep. They spent the night cuddling, it felt like recharging from all the bad feelings building inside them.

The morning came and Wonwoo woke up to a sound in the kitchen, Mingyu long gone from the bed. He stood up and when he stepped in the kitchen he could feel the aura in it, everything felt rotten, he looked at Mingyu, in front the stove and Jihoon on the counter. He walked awkwardly towards Mingyu and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Hello babe," Wonwoo said smiling. "Hello Ji," he finished, smiling to the older, Jihoon moved his head. "Hangover," Wonwoo said, a little to mockingly.

"Shut up, my head hurts a lot, I cannot stand even the smell of the food," Jihoon muttered.

"Oh," Wonwoo said. "You shouldn't have took too much."

"Well I hadn't a choice," Jihoon retorted.

"You have choices," Mingyu said, breaking the spell Wonwoo was building around him and Jihoon.

"Mingyu, shut up," Wonwoo said. "I need to seriously talk with you," Wonwoo looked at Jihoon and this just nodded. "Why did you get too trashed?"

"Because I felt like it," Jihoon answered and Wonwoo frowned.

"Jihoon."

"What?"

"We know you," Wonwoo said. "Did something happened?"

"Nothing, I wanted to get high, that's it."

"Jihoon," Wonwoo said and the sound of his name made Jihoon stiff. "You have been always silent in bed," Wonwoo continued looking directly to Jihoon's eyes. "Yet yesterday you said a name." Jihoon gulped. "Did something happened?"

"Nothing," Jihoon answered. "Mind your own business," Jihoon retorted and walked out the kitchen.

"Okay," Wonwoo said, "next time you get high, don't even dare to put a feet on this house." Jihoon turned to see Wonwoo. "I mean it."

"Fuck you," Jihoon breathed and stormed out the apartment, Mingyu sighed and Wonwoo kicked the chair's leg with his bare feet, pain growing a little too fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meanie beind sweet as always. I'm so happy with them and Jihoon hurts me, I'm sorry not being really good with angst.
> 
> I'm really happy on how this is going so give it a little more love please and thank you. 
> 
> My work is not too consuming but saddly I have a slightly anxiety issues so I have been going out lately to relieve my frustration and fears so I was been unable to write. I would be glad if you can get me some fanfics rec just in case, any ship in this fic would do.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm afraid to say what I'm thinking. It feels that if I word everything out it'll become the truth.

1

The sound of the doorbell was exasperating, as the person on the other side keep clicking the button. Wonwoo reluctantly went to open the door, he wanted to rest, day off and he wanted to fully enjoy it, but then, at the other side of the door was Jihoon, his eyes gleamed in red so he shut the door in front of his nose.

“I’m clean,” Jihoon yelled on the other side and Wonwoo opened the door, to look at him. “Well, I’m not like really high,” Jihoon said and Wonwoo let him enter. Jihoon went to the couch and let a big backpack fall into it. Wonwoo just looked at him.

“Those aren’t drugs, isn’t it?” Wonwoo asked, he closed the front door and just stood there, looking at Jihoon.

“No, it’s my stuff,” Jihoon said, his cheek started to turn a slightly red.

“What?” Wonwoo just mumbled, running throught the living room to get the bag into his hands.

“Can I live with you guys for a while?” Jihoon asked, taking the bag from Wonwoo’s hands.

“What, of course not,” Wonwoo answered.

“Pretty please,” Jihoon said, pulling a cute smile, from wherever it could came off.

“I hate you,” Wonwoo whispered. “Mingyu kill me if I say no, so it’s okay,” Wonwoo dropped the bag from the couch with a loud sound and sat on the couch, arms crossed.

“Thank you,” Jihoon smiled and took the bag into the guest room.

“Why?” Wonwoo asked and Jihoon ignored him as he kept walking. “You’re not gonna live in here hiding things,” Wonwoo said as Jihoon entered the room and closed the door behind him, “and no drugs! I mean it!” Wonwoo yelled, turning on the TV.  It didn’t took too long from Jihoon to come back and sat on the other side of the couch.

“I don’t wanna say it,” Jihoon said. “I feel like saying what is happening in my head would mean to making it true.”

“Jihoon, I only want to help you,” Wonwoo said.

“It’s scary.”

“You’re running away doesn’t it,” Wonwoo said and he looked at Jihoon.

“Kind off.”

“From what? From whom?” Wonwoo asked. Jihoon shook his head. “Soonyoung?” Jihoon suddenly stopped. “Well, tell me,”

“It’s nothing, I swear,” Jihoon claimed.

“Nothing you said,” Wonwoo said like a hum. “Last time you came really trashed, Mingyu was really scared for you.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t apologize.”

“No worries,” Wonwoo said, “Just tell me what happened.”

“Nothing, I mean it,” Jihoon looked at Wonwoo, “It was nothing….”

“But it was everything,” Wonwoo finished. Jihoon nodded. “What was it?”

“I’m feeling too much,” Jihoon confessed. Wonwoo muttered an ‘Oh’ and Jihoon glared at him. “He took my hand and it felt really nice.”

“But you think it doesn’t feel right,” Wonwoo said to himself. “You always hide in your house, why you aren’t this time?”

“He know where I live.”

“You took the things to the next level,” Wonwoo joked and Jihoon stood to hit him. “Stop, I’m sorry,” Wonwoo said in between laughs. “You weren’t careful enough, didn’t you?”

“No, I was blinded.”

“It’s okay, stay here but I recommend you to stop running and talk to him.”

“Like it’s easy.” Wonwoo took Jihoon by the waist.

“It’s not, but you have to deal with you feelings once in awhile,” Wonwoo said, looking at Jihoon at the eyes. He hugged him, a strong grip.

“It’s hard,” Jihoon mumbled.

“I understand,” Wonwoo said. “I just want the best for you.”

“I know,” Jihoon said. “I just want to rest a little.”

“A week, I give you one week to get everything out of your mind and then you have to go and talk to him,” Wonwoo said.

“What? No!” Jihoon retorted.

“I still want my house to be mine,” Wonwoo smiled as a pout was drawn on Jihoon’s lips. He left him there, he wanted some sleep and Jihoon needed to think. Jihoon did thought on many things but none of them was Soonyoung. He would come to last because it was scary to think on his feelings after so long.

 

_“Do you love me?” Seungcheol asked, one day as they stared the sky, the clouds dancing in the sky._

_“I think I do,” Jihoon answered and when he looked at Seungcheol, he was frowning._

_“I think?”_

_“I’m not sure,” Jihoon said and Seungcheol kept staring him. “It’s hard to say,” Jihoon almost cried. “I loved before, a lot of time but with you everything feels new surreal, like I’ve never felt before,” Jihoon said, sweating under Seungcheol stare._

_“Am I a new experience to you?” Seungcheol asked and Jihoon could see his eyes sparkle in joy._

_“I think so,” Jihoon answered, shrugigng._

_“Oh dear lord,” Seungcheol exclaimed. “You’re just stupid,” Seungcheol said and Jihoon hit him._

_“Shut up,” Jihoon said, his cheeks burning._

_“You love me,” Seungcheol said. “You DO love me,” Seungcheol said, the biggest and brightest smile on his lips._

_“I like you, but love, isn’t too much?” Jihoon said and Seungcheol pouted._

_“You love me,” Seungcheol chanted.  “Lee Jihoon love me,” he kept saying making Jihoon hit him every time stronger as his cheeks became red. Because Lee Jihoon really loved Choi Seungcheol since the moment they met but he couldn’t say it, not yet at least, because he would end up claiming his love for him more than a hundred times and more than a thousand days._

 

Wonwoo was always honest. When the week ended he had took all Jihoon’s stuff and put it outside his apartment, he wouldn’t let him in. Mingyu just looked at his boyfriend as he ignored all the kicks on the door, all the yelling and overall, Jeon Wonwoo ignored Lee Jihoon. Jihoon was stubborn and he wanted to keep running because his feelings weren’t really settle yet. Jihoon wanted a time to remember Seungcheol, remember the reason he couldn’t fall in love again. Even when he had remembered -almost- all his life with Seungcheol, when he thought of Soonyoung he skipped a beat, it made him hard to breath because he liked the man -he wouldn’t admit he loved Soonyoung, no, never-. He wasn’t ready to face it.

“Fuck off,” Wonwoo yelled and Jihoon kicked the door one last time.

“FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!” Jihoon yelled.

“Yeah, I’m getting my ass fucked,” Wonwoo yelled back and that only made Jihoon angrier.

“I’m gonna kill you, I swear Jeon Wonwoo, I will kill you and dance in your grave,” Jihoon yelled and left because someone from next door was on his door, with a phone in his hand. That always meant trouble.

 

 

2

 

Jihoon forgot why he was running away because in his head he was killing Jeon Wonwoo. When he reached for his door, Soonyoung was there, sitting, waiting for him.

“Where have you been?” Soonyoung asked, all the worries and fear drawn on his face.

“With Mingyu and Wonwoo,” Jihoon answered as he opened the door.

“You dissapeared for a week and you want me to just agree to that,” Soonyoung argued.

“We are nothing, you’re not my boyfriend,” Jihoon said and he could see -and feel- Soonyoung heart break.

“I know that.”

“Then why are you angry?” Jihoon asked, entering to his house, followed by Soonyoung.

“Why?” Soonyoung asked in disbelief. “We’re friends you know,” Soonyoung said.

“No reason to be angry,” Jihoon said, and the calm tone in his voice was driving Soonyoung crazy.

“Oh god, I thought you had changed,” Soonyoung said. “But you’re still the same.”

“Well, I don’t know why you expected me to change, but that would never happen.”

“You’re hurt, I understand. I understand your love for Seungcheol is one of a kind,” Soonyoung said and the sole mention of the other made Jihoon to look at Soonyoung. “But why are you scared of this?” Soonyoung said pointing at both of them.

“There’s no me and you,” Jihoon retorted.

“No, there’s no me and you because you’re an idiot,” Soonyoung claimed. “All over the years,” Soonyoung said, “There would be no me and you, right?”

“What?”

“Why is it that you cannot just understand that me and you doesn’t mean a romantic relationship?” Soonyoung asked. “Me and you as a friends, why you keep running away from it?”

“I’m not,” Jihoon exclaimed, his cheeks red.

“You are,” Soonyoung said, he breathed long and deep. “I’m not trying to push you to where you don’t want to be,” he continued. “I hope you can sort out your feelings now.” Soonyoung said and he walked to leave Jihoon alone.

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon said, making Soonyoung to stop. “I think I have misunderstood you.” Soonyoung shook his head.

“No, you haven’t,” Soonyoung said. “But I never pushed you to think I’m pursuing a romantic relationship,” Soonyoung finished. “Just think about it Jihoon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this will be hard for you. I mean, Soonyoung statement but no, it's not the end nor everything. Next updates might be shorter so I'm wondering if to update twice next week. I mean Sunday and other day. Don't know. 
> 
> This is almost getting to the end, I mean to writing it, I'm almost get to the end and as I keep writing the most I want to finish it because the end it's somehow poetical and beautiful. Nevertheless I want to hear what you think when this comes to an end. 
> 
> Just now, I have like 9 chapters more but I think it will 10 more. Next week I'll tell you of there's more.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you believe in Soulmates?

1

Wonwoo was sitting on his favorite spot on his favorite coffee shop. This time he was alone, and somehow it felt wrong, not being with Mingyu when he felt something important was about to happen. He took a sip from his coffee and looked to the window so see Soonyoung running towards the shop, smiling widely. Wonwoo took another sip. It won’t be a good chat.

“Sorry I was late,” Soonyoung said, without erasing the smile from his lips.

“It’s okay, it gave me time to think,” Wonwoo said.

“Think about what?”

“On what to ask,” Wonwoo said and Soonyoung’s smile faded.

“What happened?” Soonyoung asked.

“You and Jihoon,” Wonwoo answered.

“Nothing then,”

“I’m not an idiot, I know you didn’t pushed Jihoon to a place he didn’t felt safe in but, you did something didn’t you?”

“I took his hand.”

“There’s something else, doesn’t it?” Wonwoo looked at Soonyoung, directly to his eyes but he found nothing at all, there were no answer.

“Yes,” Soonyoung answered and looked elsewhere.

“What is it?” Wonwoo asked, he took Soonyoung’s hand. “Tell me.” Soonyoung looked at his hand then to Woonwoo. Wonwoo’s eyes gleamed with sadness.

“It’s complicated,” Soonyoung said and placed his hand over Wonwoo’s. “It’s really complicated.”

“I’m here to help,” Wonwoo said, smiling, his smile came broken and it made Soonyoung to laugh a little.

“When I meant complicated, I really mean it, there’s no way you can help us,” Soonyoung said removing his hands from Wonwoo’s touch.

“Us? It means it’s not just regarding to you.”

“Touché,” Soonyoung said, smiling a little. “It’s not just about what I did, it’s about Jihoon and me, it’s about what we meant to each other,” he said and rested his chin on his hands.

“Can you tell me?”

“I can but it will overwhelming,” Soonyoung said.

“I’ll try,” Wonwoo said and Soonyoung felt touched by the intensity of Wonwoo’s eyes.

“Do you believe in soulmates?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fast update, I just read it and I found nothing wrong maybe I re read it to change a few things... but somehow it's okay. Also I'll update sooner I mean 343 words are nothing NOTHING is a messssssssssssss
> 
> Enjoy thins thing... this is everything. I'll update soon I mean it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I believe it.

1

“Do you believe in destiny?” Wonwoo asked, caressing his boyfriend cheek.

“What?” Mingyu just dared to ask, looking at Wonwoo’s sad eyes, it scared him.

“Do you think we were destined to be together?” Wonwoo asked once again. Mingyu took his hand and caressed it.

“I believe that if I were to die, if we were to die, in our next lives, we would be together.” He said. “So, yeah, I believe we’re destined to,” Mingyu asked, getting closer to Wonwoo and kiss him. The taste was bitter at first, maybe it was because Wonwoo’s state. Wonwoo wasn’t as always, there was something making Wonwoo sad and even if Mingyu asked, he wouldn’t tell him and the secrets between them were bad, wrong and made everything lose it’s color.

“I believe it too,” Wonwoo smiled at Mingyu and kissed him again. “I love you Mingyu,” Wonwoo whispered and Mingyu felt his heart break, it felt like a goodbye.

“Is there something wrong? Are you okay?” Mingyu asked worriedly.

“Yeah, everything is okay,” Wonwoo answered smiling. “I’m fine,” he said and Mingyu’s mouth twisted. Wonwoo smiled. “I talked to Soonyoung,” Wonwoo confessed. “And you wouldn’t believe what he told me, it was beautiful, but scary,” Wonwoo said.

“You’re scared?” Mingyu asked, placing a few kisses on Wonwoo’s face.

“A lot,” Wonwoo confessed, looking directly to Mingyu’s eyes, “but, it’s reassuring to being with you, it makes me believe in everything.” Both of them giggled and kissed. Soft, playful kisses. Mingyu could feel Wonwoo’s body tremble as the first time they kissed, as the first time they made love.

 

Soonyoung had told Wonwoo all his live, all the reasons behind his relationship with Jihoon. Wonwoo then understood why Soonyoung could turn around Jihoon’s life and revolve the feelings hiding in Jihoon’s heart. It was beautiful indeed but sad. It was the saddest story he had ever heard and when he saw Mingyu he wanted to never let him go, he wanted to be always with him, in life and death. Wonwoo felt always selfish when those thoughts rushed on his mind but in that very moment he welcomed the because, there wasn’t anything wrong on being selfish.

But Wonwoo would never ever wish upon a star, not again. He would never promise to stay together, he would just think he would like that but there would be no promises and no wishes. Just thoughts and then death would come upon them and maybe in their next lives they would find each other again.

 

Wonwoo did believe in soulmates and reincarnation. Soonyoung just probed his beliefs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since yesterday update (that should have been on saturday) was short I'm updating now too. Love it... it's almos finishing <3 
> 
> Have a good week... maybe I updat another day this week too


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no need for forgiveness

1

No one needed to be forgiven, yet Jihoon wanted Soonyoung to forgive him. He wanted to be forgiven for his silliness and fear, Soonyoung understood Jihoon better than Jihoon himself but at any moment he wanted to pursuit that knowledge unless it was for a good reason, or to make Jihoon blush. At that very moment Soonyoung wanted to hit Jihoon, make him understand that there was no reason or need to apologize but he felt like do that, to say that it would meddle in Jihoon's business and it wouldn't be polite by any means. Jihoon on the other hand would never utter those words, as if 'Forgive me' were a curse words, it was forbidden to say them. Soonyoung looked once more to Jihoon.

"It's okay," Soonyoung said at last.

"What is?"

"Us, it's okay," Soonyoung said, taking Jihoon by the shoulders, "You don't have to worry."

"I wasn't" Jihoon pronounced, a blush creeping on his face.

"Yeah, you weren't," Soonyoung said and the tone made Jihoon's blood boil and he punched Soonyoung on the shoulder. "Okay, I'm sorry." Soonyoung's laugh made Jihoon's cheeks turn a shade darker.

"You're so stupid," Jihoon mumbled, sitting on the couch.

"Is not hard to say how you feel," Soonyoung mumbled sitting besides Jihoon.

"Well, it's is too me," Jihoon said.

"How hard could be to say 'I'm sorry to be a coward'?"

"Shut the fuck up," Jihoon said, his cheeks getting redder.

"You can say it," Soonyoung said, plafully.

"SHUT UP."

"Well, then, say, I love you Soonyoungie," Soonyoung said looking at how Jihoon's face turned a shade redder.

"Are you crazy?" Soonyoung laughed. "I do NOT love you," Jihoon said, looking at Soonyoung, frowning. Soonyoung didn't looked hurt but it was something in his face that made Jihoon flinch.

"Why is it too hard for people to understand that love doesn't mean romantically," Soonyoung stated.

"You're my friend," Jihoon said.

"That's all? Just that? How boring," Soonyoung mumbled making Jihoon laugh and Jihoon's laugh made Soonyoung smile, because that was how things were. The things that made Jihoon happy, made Soonyoung happy, because Jihoon's happiness was his own.

"You don't need anything else," Jihoon said, smiling at Soonyoung, and Soonyoung smiled back because it was true. That was the only thing Soonyoung needed to hear. Because that meant something to Jihoon, it was so little and it could be even empty for some people, it wasn't for Jihoon, it got a strong emotion. Fondness. Love was good, being liked it was okay but the feel of being needed it was perfect.

"You're right, thank you," Soonyoung said and the faint smile in his lips grown when Jihoon took his hand.

Jihoon turned on the TV and there wasn't anything else to say. They shared the silence, and the warm of their hands.

There was no need for anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Then, next update on Saturday/Sunday also
> 
>  **GOOD NEWS!**  
>  I finished to writing it. 6 Chapters left.
> 
> I feel so happy about it because it full filled my desires and it feels nice it took me about 6/7 months so finish it so I'm happy is done now. Thank you.
> 
> Hope you enjoy my work, I'm working on other stuff so, you can also look around to new stories.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honesty at last.

1

If Soonyoung were completely honest, he was happy to be with Jihoon, no matter the way he saw Soonyoung because no matter what, expend time with him what was made him happy. Not the touches, not the talking but his mere presence was heaven to Soonyoung, after all, it have been a long time, before he could even meet Jihoon in the first place. Soonyoung was happy indeed, but, somehow, after talking with Wonwoo everything became, not so clear for him. After all he had been looking for Jihoon for a long time, what were his reason? What he wanted? For a moment, Soonyoung could only think on Wonwoo's worried face, on his sad eyes, full of delight and pity. It hurt Soonyoung to the core.

Soonyoung looked at Jihoon, humming a song that sounded happy yet lonely, Jihoon itself looked happy. Soonyoung smiled at the scene.

 

_ "Doesn't it sad?" Wonwoo said, taking his hand. _

_ "No, it isn't," Soonyoung said. "I'm the happiest." _

_ "No you aren't," Wonwoo said. "Soonyoung, you're everything but happy, you love him in a way you know he would never ever love you." _

_ "I'm happy to being with him," Soonyoung said, taking away his hand from Wonwoo's. _

_ "But that's not everything doesn't it?" _

_ "Maybe," Soonyoung said a smile on his lips, "but I'm truly happy this way." _

 

"Is everything okay?" Jihoon asked looking at Soonyoung.

"Yeah, I was thinking," Soonyoung answered, taking Jihoon's hand. Jihoon stared at Soonyoung's hand. "Sorry, I didn't meant to."

"It's okay," Jihoon said. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I told you."

"Soonyoung," Jihoon said, squeezing Soonyoung's hand.

"Maybe there's something," Soonyoung admitted, smiling at Jihoon, "but it's still no time to say it."

"Then, don't worry," Jihoon said, raised Soonyoung's hand to his lips to kiss the back of his hand. "Say it until you're ready."

"Thank you," Soonyoung caressed Jihoon's cheek.

"Let's eat, I dinner is ready," Jihoon said, pulling Soonyoung to the table. "Sit, I'll bring everything." Jihoon disappeared  behind the kitchen doors and Soonyoung could hear him hum.

"You're in a great mood," Soonyoung said a little loud to Jihoon to hear him.

"A little, I'm just happy," Jihoon said as he came back with the plates.

"Why?" Soonyoung asked absentmindedly as he looked at the food, feeling his mouth water.

"Somehow, see Mingyu and Wonwoo being all cute together made me happy," Jihoon said placing the glasses of coke on the table and sitting in front of Soonyoung.

"Are you high?"

"Asshole," Jihoon mumbled.

"I know, you're clean," Soonyoung smiled at Jihoon.

"Pretty clean, thank you," Jihoon laughed, starting to eat.

"I love you," Soonyoung said, erasing his smile. Jihoon kept eating not looking at Soonyoung. Soonyoung started to eat, not looking at Jihoon and nobody dared to say anything at all. Hear those words made Jihoon a little intimidated. It meant more than Soonyoung wanted to say, at least to Jihoon, those were confusing words. It meant love, friendship, it meant romance, it meant feelings, it meant all Jihoon wanted to forget, no, he did forget all that stuff when he was with Soonyoung, until he talked about them and it was scary.

It was scary because he was feeling the same way as Soonyoung but not at the same time. It was complicated. Jihoon loved Soonyoung, he loved him in a deeply strange what but it wasn't a romantic thing. It was deep but it wasn't what Soonyoung expected to be. It wasn’t what Soonyoung wanted to be.

In the love Jihoon provided wasn’t romance involved.

Jihoon didn't dared to answer Soonyoung's words. It was confusing and even if he knew how confusing it could be for Jihoon, he always felt like saying it, not because he was reckless or selfish, not even because he wanted to push Jihoon to love him back but because he felt like Jihoon itself needed to hear them. Jihoon needed to know someone loved him.

"Anyways," Soonyoung said making Jihoon to look at him, the fork on his mouth."How is Mingyu and Wonwoo?"

"Fine," Jihoon said and put the fork on his chin. "They're even more lovey dovey," Jihoon said and pulled a face making Soonyoung laugh.

"Lovely," Soonyoung said. "They're perfect together."

"Yes, they are," Jihoon said, "as if they were meant to be together," Jihoon finished.

"They're destined to be together," Soonyoung said.

"Isn't those words too strong?"

"No, they're perfect for each other," Soonyoung with a smile in his lips. "All over the years I couldn't see any couple as perfect as theirs. They are really a match," Soonyoung put some food on his mouth looking at Jihoon's face, something broke his regular mask. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's nothing," Jihoon said, taking a sip of the glass of coke on the table and when he placed the glass again on the table, Soonyoung took his hand. Even if Jihoon felt a little awkward with the touches he did not retracted his hand. He looked at Soonyoung's hand then he looked at his face.

"Tell me," Soonyoung said almost like a plead.

"I just wish, someone could say that about me and Seungcheol," Jihoon said, he played with the remaining food on his plate. "We never looked like a couple at all, it wasn't the time for us." Soonyoung giggled.

"You two were perfect together," Soonyoung said. "Mingyu and Wonwoo are one of a kind, they're a perfect combo, but you and Seungcheol were meant to each other," Soonyoung breathed. "When you were together, you could feel the love, it was undeniable." Jihoon smiled. Not thinking of the reason behind the words, not even feeling it was out of time.

"Thank you."

"I'm just saying what I saw."

"Liar," Jihoon said, not minding the context of Soonyoung's words. Soonyoung just smiled at Jihoon. They finished their dinner silently. Smiling fondly. Jihoon felt happy because all in his mind was Seungcheol and Soonyoung because, at last, he had been honest with Jihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Soonyoung with my whole heart and I want you to know that. I have nothing to say but if you have, you know you can always comment or if you want talk to me on my twitter... there's many Seventeen stuff. Honesty in this fic there haven't any scene I had took off so I don't have any secrets about it like my other ones. But well, hope you like this. :') 
> 
> It's ending and my heart feels the happiest.


	13. Chapter 13

1

The days came and Jihoon and Soonyoung became closer but to an extent. There were a gap between them, tying them together and bringing them apart at the same.

They were sitting on a bench, looking at the people walking, the green scenery, not really having a conversation and not wanting one at all. It was peaceful that way. Jihoon recollected memories and Soonyoung just watched Jihoon's eyes to regain a little of joy and he enjoyed that more than anything in the world.

"What are you thinking?" Soonyoung asked making Jihoon woke up from his daydream.

"Nothing important," Jihoon answered, looking at a couple and a kid playing, running together, followed by a dog that seemed to be their pet.

"When it comes from you," Soonyoung said shaking Jihoon's arm, "it means it is important." Jihoon laughed at Soonyoung's words.

"Siyeon and Yeeun," Jihoon answered.

"Do you miss them?" Soonyoung asked.

"How you have no idea," Jihoon answered. "I miss everyone, Siyeon, Seohyun, Eunhye, Goeun, Seokmin, Areum, Hyerim, Nayoung, Dohyun, Seoyeon, Minseo, Jongil, Seungcheol, I miss everyone," Jihoon said, without taking his eyes from the couple.

"After whom you really wanted to die?" Soonyoung asked, Jihoon looked at him, without blinking. "Siyeon? Minseo? Mina? Hyewon? Seungcheol?" Jihoon covered his ears.

"Why are you like this?" Jihoon cried.

"I want to know," Soonyoung said.

"There's no need to know that," Jihoon said trying to not cry, to not feel overwhelmed.

"How old were you?" Soonyoung pushed. "90? 130? 200?" Jihoon looked at him and slapped him.

"Shut the fuck up" Jihoon yelled. "What are you trying to do?"

"I want to know you," Soonyoung said, he wasn't smiling and for a moment Jihoon could see that Soonyoung's eyes looked dead, empty.

"There's no need to know those things," Jihoon said, and got up, walking away from Soonyoung. Soonyoung didn't move, he stared at the sky. He cried looking at the sky. At the back of his head, Soonyoung felt like he was doing the right choice but the pain in his chest told him that he was not. As if he wanted more than he wanted to acknowledge. He pushed Jihoon to a place none of them wanted to go because he was scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it is short (really shot) but... but... well is everything you have to know. It's important and I don't know if I'm gonna update earlier because angst and feels and I'm sorry.
> 
> Overall I'm really happy!!!! In my twitter is the whole explanation about my happines, saddly my happines overwhelm me so I cannot write, luckily, this is finished already jejejejeje
> 
> Have a good day.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the begining.

1

Jihoon sat on his couch, staring at the TV, it was turned off but he stared at it as if the most interesting show was on it. He wasn’t thinking, he wasn’t feeling at all, his mind was clouded. The happy memories dancing in his head, all at once. The first love, his first time, his first daughter. Everything. Mina, her short hair and chubby cheeks, her sweet laugh. Jihoon could only smile at every thought.

A bright light made him close his eyes and go back to the real world.

“Are you high again?” Mingyu asked as he turned on all the lights and walked towards the sofa to sit beside Jihoon, passing an arm around his shoulders. Jihoon didn’t answered, just looked at him.

“Handsome,” Jihoon mumbled and Mingyu chuckled.

“Thanks,” Mingyu said. “Gimme whatever you took, on a normal dose,” He said and put a hand in front of Jihoon face. Jihoon giggled and took a few pills from his pocket to give it to Mingyu. The pills fell from Mingyu’s hand to their laps and the gap between them, Mingyu smiled widely and took one, he swallowed it dry.

All Mingyu’s senses numbed after a few minutes. The colors got into a bright color and some of them danced, he smiled widely as he saw Wonwoo in front of him, smiling, that smile that was meant just for him. He tightened the grip on Jihoon’s shoulder. He turned to see him, he saw Wonwoo, he saw all those features he loved about Wonwoo, the smile tugging shyly on his lips, the wrinkle of his nose when he smiled, his eyes getting smaller, his black hair.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous, my love,” Mingyu mumbled and Jihoon giggled.

They saw what it was on their minds, the person they always longed the most. Jihoon saw Seungcheol, he saw his big eyes, his red lips and his long eyelashes but somehow his hair was blonde and the smile he had drawn on his lips was different from the one he remembered. It wasn’t playful or childish, it was reassuring, honest. Seungcheol never smiled at him with those intentions because they knew, together there was nothing to fear. Jihoon reached Mingyu’s face and caressed it.

“You’re not him,” Jihoon mumbled, not watching Mingyu’s features -far different from Seungcheol’s- but feeling them, feeling the slightly chubby cheeks, the slightly larger chin, but Mingyu’s eyes were the answer, tiny, not big and the lack of the soft brush of Jihoon’s fingers against the eyelashes.

“I’m your Mingyu,” Mingyu cried. Jihoon laughed at the sound of Mingyu’s cry.

“Why you aren’t him?” Jihoon questioned, knowing it was Mingyu, the one he was touching so delicately.

“Whom?” Mingyu asked on a moment of sobriety. “Soonyoung?” Jihoon groaned at the mention of the name.

“Seungcheol,” Jihoon breathed, took Mingyu’s face with some force and bring him closer. “Why aren’t you him?” Jihoon whispered as he pressed his lips against Mingyu’s, there was no response. “Why did he leave me?” Jihoon cried, dropping his hands from Mingyu’s face, now it was his turn. Mingyu placed his hands on Jihoon’s cheeks, caressing them with all the care and love he can give him.

“I’m sorry,” Mingyu mumbled and pressed his lips against Jihoon’s, he responded the kiss, all movements soft, full with whatever it could be filled with because there was love but it wasn’t real, it wasn’t romantic. Mingyu parted ways from Jihoon and looked at him.

“You kiss like him,” Jihoon said, tears falling from his eyes, “but you’re not him,” he let the tears fall. “Oh, dear God, I miss him.”

“I’m sorry,” Mingyu repeated. “I’m so sorry,” Mingyu said again, pressing his lips in fast pecks over Jihoon’s lips. “Please don’t cry.” Jihoon cried until they could hear his strong sobs. “Please don’t,” Mingyu repeated as he cleaned the tears from Jihoon’s cheeks.

They looked at each other and something pushed them together, pressing their lips together, Jihoon moved to sit on Mingyu’s lap, grinding his ass over Mingyu’s growing erection. The kiss was full of lust, there wasn’t the regular care on it, not even Mingyu’s softness. Jihoon put his hands around Mingyu’s neck, pressing his head closer to him, making hard to breath. When Jihoon let Mingyu go, he groaned heavily. His member aching. He breathed heavily, trying to get all the air he lost in between the kiss but he didn’t lost the opportunity to look on Jihoon’s eyes, full of pain and a glint of lust. Jihoon reached again for a kiss but Mingyu stopped him.

“This is not okay,” Mingyu said in a breath.

“I don’t fucking care,” Jihoon mumbled trying to press his lips against Mingyu’s.

“Well I do, asshole,” Mingyu said, pushing Jihoon from his lap, looking how the older landed over the coffee table breaking it.

“It’s not like we haven’t do it before,” Jihoon said, ignoring the pain on his back.

“Oh God, Jihoon, that’s not the matter,” Mingyu said, trying to keep Jihoon away from him and his erection. “Wonwoo doesn’t know,” he yelled and Jihoon stopped his movements.

“He doesn’t have to know,” Jihoon whispered and Mingyu pushed him away once again.

“Do you really mean that?”

“Of course I do,” Jihoon said trying to reach Mingyu but he slapped him on the face.

“Fuck you!” Mingyu yelled, walking towards the door. “I wanted to help you because I thought it worth it, but you’re a dickhead,” He yelled again, leaving Jihoon alone. There was a slight twinge of pain in between Jihoon’s legs but he ignored it, feeling another one in his chest. He didn’t noticed he was crying until it became hard to breath and the tears fell onto the floor. He was now alone. Jihoon had fucked up the only thing no one let him fuck up.

For once, Jihoon knew what it meant to be alone. Completely and utterly alone and he didn’t liked it, he hated it, he crouched on the floor, letting all his feeling overcome him. There was no need to hide anything at all. Not anymore. He cried and his cries came loud and messy, he didn’t wanted them, no.

“Jus let me die!” Jihoon cried out loud, hurting his throat and went to the couch, took all the pill he could find, his throat burned as he swallowed five pills at the same time.

The pills didn’t helped him as he wanted but his dried eyes made him sleep soundly at the foot of his couch. A hand hardly pressed against his chest. Even in his sleep he kept crying, sobbing delicately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know last update was short but if I updated this I would had to update until next week. Nevetheless I thought last chap needed it's time. Now this also need it's time. This is where everything gets messy... again. Hope you don't hate me.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The giant puppy is angry

1

Mingyu found himself stomping as he walked, he didn’t know what he could do but he was angry at Jihoon and the person who made Jihoon become a mess again. He kicked a trash can, looking at the contents falling into the ground and when he looked to the front again he could feel like his prayers were answered. Mingyu could gladly call it destiny, he could believe in that for that moment. In front of him he saw Soonyoung’s back, he ran towards him and even when Mingyu was a calm man and almost a giant puppy, he was angry and that was everything he had in his mind. Mingyu took Soonyoung by the shoulder and turned him around. He punched him in the face, breaking Soonyoung nose in the process.

“What the fuck?” Soonyoung cried, pain starting to grow. He covered his nose and the blood coming from it.

“What you did to him?” Mingyu asked and Soonyoung looked at him as if he didn’t understood what was happening. “What you did to Jihoon?” Mingyu asked again and the sound of Jihoon’s name clicked on Soonyoung’s mind.

“Fuck off,” Soonyoung answered, “It has nothing to do with you, psycho,” Soonyoung kept yelling, Mingyu took him by the neck of the shirt.

“Don’t fuck with me,” Mingyu exclaimed, “Jihoon is hurt,” Soonyoung didn’t said a word and in his eyes Mingyu couldn’t find anything, he shook Soonyoung. “I’m not letting you go until you answer me.”

“I have nothing to tell you,” Soonyoung said, his voice trying to sound casual but breaking at the end. “Those things between me and Jihoon,” Soonyoung sai feeling the pain in his nose increasing and the blood drying.

“It became my business when Jihoon asked me to fuck him,” Mingyu exclaimed, his cheeks turning red.

“For god’s sake Mingyu, my nose is broken,” Soonyoung said and Mingyu came to his senses, looking worried at the older.

“I’m sorry,” Mingyu said and Soonyoung could sense his pain and honesty.

“It’s okay,” Soonyoung answered.

“It doesn’t look that bad, wanna go to the hospital?” Mingyu asked.

“I think is slightly broken,” Soonyoung said and when he looked at Mingyu’s hurt eyes he sighed. “I asked him about his past, the things he doesn’t want to deal with, happy?”

Mingyu punched him again, this time he could feel the bone cracking under his knuckles.

“Asshole,” Soonyoung cried.

“Why did you pushed him?”

“I was scared, okay, after talking with Wonwoo, my mind became a mess, I was sure this was the time but your boyfriend knows how to mess with people's mind.” Soonyoung said, his voice sounding muffled.

“Wonwoo?”

“Didn’t he told you?” Soonyoung asked. “I told everything to him.”

“He mentioned it but nothing at all,” Mingyu shrugged. “That doesn’t mean being an asshole and treat Jihoon like shit,” Mingyu retorted.

“I’m sorry, I was scared,” Soonyoung repeated. “Okay, I like him but I cannot keep going like this, I don’t want to lose him.”

“You won’t, I don’t know what Won said but I’m sure Jihoon will understand everything,” Mingyu said.

“I know,” Soonyoung said, blushing a little, the pain on his nose becoming a little too unbearable. “It’s me, I cannot handle it anymore, not this,” Soonyoung feel the tears around his eyes. The pain, from his soul and nose were slowly killing him.

“Oh dear lord, let me take you to the hospital,” Mingyu said like a cry, taking Soonyoung by the shoulder, guiding him to take a cab. Looking worried the whole trip.

 

They arrived to the hospital, Mingyu yelling worriedly for his friend.

“His name,” the nurse asked, taping her pen on the paper.

“Kwon Soonyoung,” Mingyu answered fast, the nurse was about to write the name.

“Kwon Hoshi,” Soonyoung said. “My name is Kwon Hoshi,” Soonyoung finished, a muffled sound, Mingyu just looked at him as the nurse asked them to sit and wait a little longer after she made a fast examination over Soonyoung’s broken nose.

“Hoshi?” Mingyu questioned.

“So, Wonwoo didn’t tell you anything at all,” Soonyoung answered.

“No and I’m starting to feel betrayed by both of you,” Mingyu finished.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, you can tell me later,” Mingyu said, sitting as comfortable as he could on the chairs.

The nurse called Soonyoung and he walked towards her. They leaved Mingyu alone, thinking about what was happening and he couldn’t understand a thing but what worried him the most was that Wonwoo hid something from him but, if he had promised to keep the secret, he might not thought about breaking his promise, no matter if it was to tell Mingyu, in this thoughts Mingyu thought that Wonwoo never specified he was to tell him but Soonyoung thought it was natural since they were so close, nevertheless Mingyu tried the best to forget the matter because it could create a gap between them. A secret was new between them and no matter what, he felt bad about the matter.

 

“Mingyu, you’re actually an asshole,” Mingyu heard Soonyoung cry and he looked at the older. Soonyoung smiled at the nurse, a different one that had accompanied Soonyoung inside, this one was young, brown long hair tied in a pony tail. “Thank you Hye,” Soonyoung said and he walked towards Mingyu.

“You’re welcome, Hosh,” the nurse said and Soonyoung waved at her with a smile on his lips.

“Broken?” Mingyu asked.

“A little, it was crooked, the doctor had to place it back and my soul left my body on that second,” Soonyoung cried. Mingyu laughed with an apologetic smile on his lips.

“Sorry,” Mingyu said, placing a hand around Soonyoung’s shoulders, “but you actually deserved it, he shrugged a little his shoulders. Soonyoung smiled. The walked towards the exit, Soonyoung got silent for a few minutes.

“I think you’re right.”

“So, Hoshi,” Mingyu said mockingly. Soonyoung ignored Mingyu.

“My parents thought it was a good name,” Soonyoung said. “It means star in japanese.”

“Why did you told us your name was Soonyoung?”

“It was my first name,” Soonyoung said in a low tone, as if he was embarrassed.

“Kwon Soonyoung Hoshi?” Mingyu asked, thinking a little longer about it. Soonyoung laughed.

“You surely are dense, don’t know how you got Wonwoo in the first place,” Soonyoung said and Mingyu hit his shoulder.

“I’m charming,” Mingyu said and looked at Soonyoung. “But, what do you meant?” when Mingyu looked at Soonyoung he found some dried blood under his nose, he looked at the bandage over the bridge of his nose and the bruises growing under -and around- Soonyoung’s eyes, he looked tired, almost like dead.

“Let’s talk over some drinks,” Soonyoung said pushing Mingyu inside the first shop he saw, a coffee shop. “It will take a while,” Soonyoung walked it, looking for a table, sitting in front one he liked. It was at the back of the shop but he was able to see the door and the window, he could see the people walk on the street. He waved the waiter as Mingyu sat in front of him. He waited for Soonyoung silently as he sensed something was disturbing him, because under all his rush and excited behavior he sensed the anxiety and fear, the same feeling he got from Jihoon back when he first knew him and the time he confessed everything to them. There was also some sadness mixed with the weight from the years he lived.

“What do you meant?” Mingyu asked again when the waiter had placed the drinks on the table.

“It was my first name,” Soonyoung said, he didn’t looked at Mingyu, he looked at his hands and the drink over the table. “The first name in my very first life,” Soonyoung finished and stopped the movement of his fingers, he took the cup and placed it on his mouth and cried a little when the cup hit his nose lightly. “I have reborn at least twenty times already,” he smiled and Mingyu felt his smile was pushed down. It was bitter and so painful to watch. “I have waited for Jihoon all those years, all those lives, and only for him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's ending but this is beautiful the way it is... what do you think? <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Close enough.

1

_Jihoon was sitting on the floor, looking at the sky, washed in white stars. His mind was lost in something._

_"What’s wrong my love?” He heard Siyeon say, he turned and looked at his wife, washed on the moonlight, making her white skin look even whiter and even more beautiful than he ever remembered she was._

_"Is it right for me to say it?” Jihoon answered._

_"Everything is right between us, be honest to me and to your heart,” Siyeon said, Jihoon took her hand and guided her closer, making her to sit on his lap. She smiled wide and sweetly. Jihoon admired her beauty and pushed a strand of her long black hair behind her ear._

_"Sometimes, just sometimes I feel empty,” Jihoon said, her smile didn’t wavered, instead, she smiled more brightly._

_“It’s okay to have such feelings,” She reassured, caressing his cheek._

_“But I love you, and I love Yeeun but even with you I feel lonely,” Jihoon said and he almost felt like crying._

_"I told you, it’s okay,” Siyeon said again, she took her husband's face with her hands, and the softness made Jihoon’s heart waver. “Maybe we’re just not meant for each other,” Siyeon said and Jihoon could see a spark of sadness on her eyes._

_"I love you, I love you like anything else in this world,” Jihoon said placing his hands over Siyeon’s. “You’re my most precious being.” Siyeon laughed, like a soft giggle and the touch made her eyes spark in joy._

_“I love you too silly,” Siyeon said in her soft laugh. “Have you noticed?” She asked looking at his eyes, his face, everything on him. “I met you ages ago,” she continued, moving her hands, massaging Jihoon’s face, “but you haven’t aged a single day, look at me, I’m starting to have wrinkles, to look old and yet, you look as young as the same day I saw you for the very first time.” Jihoon saw her eyes, twinkle with sadness and pain. “We are not meant for each other my  love.”_

_“What?” Jihoon said, feeling angry. “You mean our love means nothing,” she laughed and brushed his lips with her own._

_“It does mean a lot,” She whispered over his lips. “It means we got a chance.” She brushed her lips against Jihoon’s once more._

_“I love you,” Jihoon repeated._

_“It does mean a lot to me,” She said. “I love you as I never loved anyone else. I’ll love you my whole life and even the next one if we meet again,” Siyeon said and before Jihoon could kiss her again she placed a hand between them, “even if we don’t meant for each other because, look at you,” she said and for the very first time Jihoon could sense the pain on her voice, “We cannot grow old together, we would not die together, there’s many things we cannot enjoy together but this time we have now, in this very moment, there’s nothing more important for me than live it with you.” Siyeon smiled and Jihoon knew it was the first time were completely honest with each other and the first time he felt their hearts beat at the same pace. She removed her hand from Jihoon’s lips._

_Jihoon got rid from the distance of their lips, he kissed her intensely, passionately and their worlds just revolved around each other. The made love there, under the moonlight where Siyeon’s skin looked as white and bright as her soul. He loved to hear the soft sound of her voice when they made love that sound he was the only one to have ever heard it because it was intimate, it was beautiful. Jihoon left his heart with her, he devoted all the life he could to her, to make her happy. Between them there were no lies but yet there were no honesty whatsoever._

 

 

2

“I thought you would be here,” Jihoon heard and turned around to see Soonyoung, he was smiling but his wide honest smile was filled with sadness. Jihoon put himself to look to the stars again as Soonyoung walked at his side. He said nothing and he wasn’t acknowledging Soonyoung’s presence. “I came to apologize,” Soonyoung said and he only could hear the soft tap of Jihoon’s fine nails and fingers against the concrete of the rooftop.

There was silence before Jihoon turned to see Soonyoung.

“Well, I’m waiting,” Jihoon said, frowning, he was still angry. Soonyung took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” he said and Jihoon was about to say something and Soonyoung knew, by the look on Jihoon’s eyes that it wouldn’t be nice so he put his hand over Jihoon’s lips. “I’m not done.” He said and took another deep breath looking directly to Jihoon’s eyes. “Listen, everything I’m gonna say it might look like an excuse, everything is an excuse, you know. I was wrong on asking you all that stuff, I was scared and the only thing I could do it was to scare you back, to push you away,” Soonyoung finished and huffed like if it was the most exhausting thing he had ever done, he smiled a little, “I kept telling you that you should stop running away but in the hardest moment of my life, even after have encounter you, I ran away from you, I don’t want this to end.” He took Jihoon’s face with both of his hands. “Please, don’t go away,” Soonyoung finished and Jihoon felt he wanted to cry, they kept still for a while. Jihoon didn’t know what to do and Soonyoung just stared to him, wanting to learn every detail of his face.

“I won’t, I won’t go anywhere, I’ll stay by your side,” Jihoon said, pressing his forehead against Soonyoung’s and the touch burned, burned and it was so painful Jihoon hissed but Soonyoung started to cry, ugly sobs and his face breaking into a mess of pain that Jihoon held his face, taking away the tears. Not knowing what to do. Pressing his lips tightly in a line, wanting Soonyoung to be himself but he kept crying like there was nothing left in the world and it broke his heart. It didn’t took long for Soonyoung to hide his face on the crook of Jihoon’s neck, hugging him, tight, almost too strong to break his ribs but Jihoon didn’t complained, he couldn’t even if he wanted. He was completely surprised by the sudden mix of feelings inside of him and absolutely surprised by Soonyoung’s break down.

“After Mina,” Jihoon said, and Soonyoung let the embrace go to look at Jihoon, still sobbing and his face still a mess, “I was 384 years old, even though I tried to commit suicide at 120 years old,” Jihoon finished. “I answered you questions,” he shrugged and Soonyoung tried to pull out a smile.

“I really didn’t wanted to know,” Soonyoung said and caressed Jihoon’s cheek, “I was really scared, I swear I wanted to never see you again,” Soonyoung said and Jihoon’s face broke into terror.

“Why?” he muttered.

“Again,” Soonyoung said laughing, “I was scared, Mingyu make me get back into my senses,” Soonyoung said signaling his nose and Jihoon for the first time on that night, noticed the bandage on Soonyoung’s nose.

“What the heck happened?” Jihoon asked placing his hands on Soonyoung’s face to look at him. Looking the bruises.

“He got angry and hit me,” Soonyoung said, shrugging a little.

“Oh god, what got into him?” Jihoon said to himself and Soonyoung felt like smiling.

“He was as caring as he always has been,” Soonyoung said, taking Jihoon’s face in between his hands, looking directly at his eyes, looking the new haircolor, light ash blonde, a color that fade to almost look like white, he loved it. It seemed like it had been years and years of being close to him, to see those changes but then, he was still blonde and his roots where dangerously growing, still looking fine. “It was nice to know he does really care about you.” Soonyoung smiled and his smile was as bright as Jihoon remembered, as stunning as the first time he saw it, never growing old nor tired of see it. Jihoon couldn’t stand it anymore, feeling blinded by such beauty that he pressed his body against Soonyoung’s in a hug, hiding his face on Soonyoung’s shoulder. He chuckled at the sudden movement, resting his cheek on Jihoon’s head.

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon muttered pressing his body closer to Soonyoung, making Soonyoung gasp. Jihoon didn’t knew how much needed it until he hugged Soonyoung, he was craving something but it wasn’t _love_ , it was what Soonyoung provided to him, an unknown warmth, closer to what he felt with Seungcheol, yet different, a lot more intimate, as if their souls were clasped together in an embrace and didn’t wanted to let go.

“Everything is okay,” Soonyoung said, giving all of himself on that hug. It felt like his entire world revolved just for that moment. Every fear and every worry vanished he had waited for so long just to hold Jihoon _again_. To feel he need him, that he was the only one he was watching and a rush of adrenaline ran over every inch of his body and he couldn’t help it but to smile widely.

It was the end for sure and it felt bittersweet.

At the end of the night, when he looked at Jihoon’s eye smile, at the two half moon that his eyes had become, he felt sorry for Jihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should point some stuff here, right now but maybe on the next chapter you'll question it and I'll point them out. It's ending and it didn't feel like it, doesn't it. Hope you like it. Because I thought about the end since the begining. And when I finished it... it felt perfect.
> 
>  
> 
> Ps: Yesterday was my birthday! So I re read the ending and I felt so happy ;O;


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The secrets.

1

Soonyoung was sitting on a table, drinking from a cup of coffee,  café bombón. The taste was perfect for the moment, he could still taste the bitterness of the coffee in between the condensed and sweetened milk. The contents of the cup was almost gone and he wasn’t aware of his anxiousness until he put the cup against his lips and noticed the lack of contents. He sighed as he looked at the window then, the clock. It was still early for Jihoon to come. He went to the cashier.

“I want a,” Soonyoung said, thinking a little on what else to drink, “Vienna coffee, please,” he finished looking at the young cashier who smiled at him shyly, he smiled back at her. “And a carrot cake.” He finished and looked at the cashier who stared at him.

“Anything else?” The cashier asked and a blush of pink tinted her cheeks.

“I want,” Soonyoung heard and before he could turn around, he felt how someone clung to his arm. “Café Mocha, please,” Jihoon said, smiling brightly, mostly mocking of Soonyoung’s tinted cheeks and his surprised face, “also, can you add a white chocolate cake, please.” He looked at Soonyoung triumphantly.

“Yeah, also that,” Soonyoung said and paid, the cashier’s cheeks kept a pinkish color. They went back to the table Soonyoung was sitting earlier, the old coffee cup was gone. “You’re early,” Soonyoung said.

“You too,” Jihoon answered, he sat beside him, brushing their arms dangerously, feeling the warm from the other body and enjoying it.

“Well I had to think some stuff,” Soonyoung said, looking around.

“What’s this about?” Jihoon asked, looking at the mark of the old coffee cup on the table, he frowned.

“You know,” Soonyoung said tapping the table, “that thing I never told you.”

“I don’t know it,” Jihoon retorted, watching a waitress come and placed the order on the table, smiling to Soonyoung, “you haven’t told me yet.”

“Thank you,” Soonyoung said to the waitress and she left fast. He looked at Jihoon. “You’re right,” he laughed at Jihoon’s words and without saying anything and without asking, he hugged Jihoon. “ I want to tell you now” he whispered into his ear. Softly, his voice shaking at every syllable.

“Then say it,” Jihoon whispered back, not returning Soonyoung’s grip even when he was absolutely craving to touch him.

“Would you believe me?” Soonyoung asked, separating a bit from Jihoon to look at his face.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Jihoon asked and turned around to take his cup of coffee and took a sip, Soonyoung looked at him silently.

“It’s kind of… unbelievable,” Soonyoung answered “It’s so incredible that’s certainly and commonly mistaken for fantasy,” Soonyoung finished taking a sip from his cup, eyeing Jihoon.

“I’m living a fantasy,” Jihoon retorted, “do you remember?” Jihoon turned to take Soonyoung’s face in between his hands, making him look directly at him. “I’m immortal for god’s sake.” Jihoon released Soonyoung go, to take the fork and take a piece of his cake.

“Maybe, you’ll think that I’m lying, that I’m playing with you,” Soonyoung said, looking at his cup, tapping it, Jihoon turned to see him directly, the fork pressed against his lower lip. Jihoon saw, on Soonyoung’s eyes a glimpse of fear.

“I wouldn’t think that, it’s certainly unlike you.”

“True,” Soonyoung agreed and stopped the movement of his fingers.

“Just tell me,” Jihoon said and the sound came like a plead. “This is getting scary.” Soonyoung laughed.

“It’s scary,” Soonyoung said. “I really don’t know where to start,” he finished and placed the cup on his lips, swallowing part of its contents.

“From the beginning,” Jihoon said. “It’s always the best way,” he finished as he kept eating the cake.

Soonyoung placed the cup against his lips again, looking at Jihoon, thinking, thinking on what to say, where to start, because, the beginning was confusing, even for him, so it wouldn’t be of any use, it would just scare Jihoon and the things would never end, they’ll dance around again and nothing would ever happen.

“Do you remember Seungcheol’s letter?” Soonyoung asked. Jihoon just nodded. “He was wrong. He was plainly wrong,” Soonyoung said and his voice became softer, nicer and a quite understanding as Jihoon placed his fork on the plate to look at Soonyoung.

“What do you mean?” Jihoon just dared to ask.

“About the man,” Soonyoung said. “He just said he was your soulmate,” Soonyoung looked at Jihoon and bit his lip.

“Well, that’s what Seungcheol said, there isn’t anything else,” Jihoon said and he clenched his fist under the table.

“He said he thought he was your soulmate and the love of your life,” Soonyoung said and his voice broke shook again, at every syllable. “He wasn’t your soulmate,” Soonyoung could sense the anger boiling in Jihoon, it was a sensitive topic but he needed to clarify everything, “yet, he was the love of your life.”

Jihoon’s jaw dropped, his eyes almost bulged but everything in a subtle way because it was Jihoon. Soonyoung gulped and he didn’t dare to see him anymore, his heart pounding against his chest, barely letting him breathe.

“That’s the reason it was too hard for you to let go,” Soonyoung said.

“How do you know? What do you know?” Jihoon asked and Soonyoung couldn’t help it but to cry, he cried lightly, feeling all Jihoon’s anger towards him.

“It’s me,” Soonyoung said broken, as he kept crying. “I was that man,” he looked at Jihoon and he saw what he was so scared of: Doubt. “I told him I was your soulmate, but I tried to make him understand that we had to meet, that we really needed to meet because Seungcheol was as important as I was or even more,” Soonyoung said, without stopping his tears. “But he was scared because he didn’t understand,” Soonyoung said and took Jihoon’s shoulders and this tried to get rid of his touch. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I tried my best to make the things right,” Soonyoung said and his hands fell on the seat, a gap growing further and further from them. Jihoon breath was heavy as everything rushed on his head, as he tried to understand but it made him hard to breathe.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Jihoon breathed and when Soonyoung tried to touch him, to reach him, with all the mess his face had become, he stepped back, he didn’t know what to do. Jihoon surely wanted to touch him, to hug him to make Soonyoung the man he knew. Soonyoung stopped to try to reach to Jihoon and hugged himself, the sight made Jihoon felt hurt.

“I thought Seungcheol would understand,” Soonyoung said, trying to calm himself. “I told him our story yet he didn’t believe me, he didn’t believe it, any of it.” Soonyoung started to cry again and he was attracting the attention from everyone but it didn’t matter anyways because Jihoon’s attention was solely on the man in front of him.

“There’s no story about us, I met you a year ago,” Jihoon said and Soonyoung let a pained laugh leave his mouth.

“It is,” Soonyoung said, he lifted his face, looking at Jihoon with his red eyes and his arms fell limp over his lap. “It was before you met Siyeon, 40 years before that,” Soonyoung said. “I was there that time, when you met her, I was old and I wasn’t sure it was actually you until I saw you hadn't aged a little bit.” Soonyoung stopped and took the coffee cup, he needed it, no he need his coke but he took the cup either way and drink all its contents. “I died a few years after your second daughter was born,” Soonyoung said, trying to be composed for once. “We promised to the moon that we would die together, I died first but I reborn and you did too but after that, you weren’t able to die and you never remembered me, we met several times, we were friends in most of my past lives but whenever I saw you I had to work from the beginning again and again.” Soonyoung took a deep breath and looked at Jihoon. “We were meant to die together or live in misery waiting for each other.”

“No it’s not,” Jihoon yelled, his feelings bursting almost like he was throwing them, there was doubt, fear, anger, any bad feeling he got it, he stood up and looked at Soonyoung, a little more composed and even if he didn’t lie to him he need to run from him, it was too much. Seungcheol was his soulmate and was the love of his life, there wasn’t anything else besides that, he couldn’t acknowledge someone else with that title.

“No, wait,” Soonyoung yelled and tried to reach Jihoon’s arm but slipped it from his fingertips. The door rang before Soonyoung fully reacted. He stood up to follow Jihoon, he saw him. “Jihoon!” Soonyoung yelled, not thinking, the older one turned around in the middle of the street, stopping to see Soonyoung and both saw something that they couldn’t be able to name. It was magical. Their facades broke at the same moment, at the exact same moment, when their eyes locked into the others, all feelings floating in the air. Pain, sadness, fear, loneliness. Everything, even the locked love inside Jihoon’s heart, the love that was only for Seungcheol. While Soonyoung’s bad luck was that his heart belonged to Jihoon, he was the love of his life. Jihoon had both titles for Soonyoung but Soonyoung couldn’t be both for him. Jihoon cried as Soonyoung’s feelings hit him on the chest. As he remembered everything.

 

_ Jihoon saw Soonyoung in the dark night, hidden deep in the woods, their hands intertwined. It felt wrong, it felt like they’ll die that very moment, it was hard to breathe. _

_ “I want to live eternally with you,” Soonyoung said. _

_ “I want to reborn just to meet you again and again,” Jihoon agreed. _

_ “Let’s find each other in our next lives,” Soonyoung said, looking at the moon in the sky, mocking their secret or maybe, perhaps supporting them as it lighted the night for them to be able to see each other. _

_ “Let’s live forever and ever for each other,” Jihoon said. “The moon is our witness,” Jihoon chanted a smile tugging his lips, “that our love will be eternal, that we’ll love each other in every one of our lives and if we were to die, we’ll die together and there will be no other way. We’ll get any punishment the world and our witness want us to live,” Jihoon finished and raised his hand to see the sky and the moon, Soonyoung followed him to take his hand. _

_ “I promise to love you every day,” Soonyoung said and a feeling rushed from the tip from their fingers to the tip of their toes. It felt like they were drained. _

_ They didn’t know by that time. When a pair of souls that were destined to be together, wishes upon a star on the sky the wish will come true, no matter how silly or how selfish and no matter it’s aftermath. _

 

Jihoon breathed once again, tears falling from his eyes as he tried to reach Soonyoung but before he could move to the other, he was hit by a car, his head hit the pavement, all he saw were stars and the known smell of blood was present. Everything was so fast that they couldn't stop it.

"Oh my god," Soonyoung cried as he ran towards JiHoon. He saw the puddle of blood growing, not too fast but dangerously. "Call an ambulance," he just said to the man who was stepping out his car and he rushed back inside to get his phone. He kneeled beside JiHoon and pulled him close, not caring about the blood drenching his clothing.   
"I'm sorry," JiHoon said, as he could as his head felt dizzy, his sight got blurry and it became hard to breathe, feeling as he was drowning in his own spit.

"Don't say a word asshole, and don't die," Soonyoung said, feeling all of himself rushing out of his body. JiHoon moved his hand and  Soonyoung took it as he could not letting JiHoon go and placed it over his own cheek. "Everything will be fine, I swear," Soonyoung said, his eyes feeling watery once again.  


"It feels nice," JiHoon said, coughing some blood, drenching Soonyoung's face but he didn't care about that matter, he just stared at JiHoon, watching the little light and joy in his eyes vanish, every second.

"Oh dear god," Soonyoung muttered, "Jihoon, don't fucking dare to die."  


"I'm sorry," JiHoon repeated and everything became unbearable, the pain was numbing his mind. "I can't die anyways," JiHoon whispered and it made Soonyoung sob, unable to keep watching JiHoon.

"I'm sorry," Soonyoung said, pulling JiHoon closer to him. "I'm so sorry," he repeated and it hit JiHoon, he was about to die, he might die now and a rush of feelings overwhelmed him. Fear and happiness, his heart rushed making his heartbeat uneven and making the pain in his head to increase. As the pain make him unable to move properly, he moved his arms slowly to wrap them around Soonyoung's neck.  


"It's okay," he mumbled tiredly, "I'm happy." Sooyoung shed every tear in his body, his face broke as he sobbed making JiHoon smile faintly. With the force it was left in his body, he clung on Soonyoung's neck to lift himself a little, brushing his lips softly and lightly against Soonyoung's, making his tears stop. A second after, someone was removing JiHoon's body from his grip. The paramedics took him and left Soonyoung there, kneeling as he tried to recall everything and control the impulse of kill himself. He ran towards the medics to go with JiHoon. The man had a graceful joy sparkling in his eyes.

JiHoon welcomed death with happiness and fear. The fear was because of the pain, was always this painful to die? But his last moments were full of Soonyoung, full of Seungcheol and his heart burst in tears. He cried until everything was pitch black and it wasn't anything to cry about. The pain on his heart was much stronger than the physical pain.  


 

  
  
2

  
  
Soonyoung was in the waiting room, sitting, sorting things on his head, the sound of a door opening make him jump to walk to the doctor. His hands were playing in front of him and there was that face he knew really well.   
  
"He's dead, right?” Soonyoung voice came out  calm, the doctor nodded and he fell on the chair. There were no more tears, he couldn’t cry anymore.

“We tried our best but the was a severe brain injury and we couldn’t do much,” The doctor said, Soonyoung understood but at the moment he didn’t want any reassurance.

Some steps resonated and he looked to see Mingyu and Wonwoo running towards him.

“Is he okay?” Wonwoo asked looking at the doctor, the doctor shook his head and Mingyu moved to take him by the white coat. “Mingyu, stop,” Wonwoo cried.

“Stop it,” Soonyoung said and both males apologized with the doctor. They sat at Sooyoung side.

Mingyu looked at his boyfriend and he nodded, they took a deep breath and hugged Soonyoung tightly, the action made Soonyoung gasp and in the moment he saw Mingyu’s and Wonwoo’s hands intertwined in front of his eyes he couldn’t stop but to cry, tears barely falling.

“I cannot believe it,” Soonyoung said, cried, holding Mingyu’s and Wonwoo’s arms strongly, pressing his nails against their skin. “I couldn't even say that I loved him,” Soonyoung broke once again but his eyes were too dry to keep shedding more tears.

“He already knew, you told him many times before,” Mingyu said softly against his ear.

“But it’s not the same,” Soonyoung retorted. “I always said I love you as a friend, this time, was different, but now is over.” Wonwoo left Mingyu’s hand and took Soonyoung by the shoulders.

“You’re here now, you’re not dead, maybe there’s another chance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end but there's an epilogue too. So wait for it :') I hope you like this and how it's going so far and how it's ending. DOn't know when I'm gonna update next so get tuned for the last bit.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Life

1

It was the day of his 17th birthday and when Jihoon opened his eyes that morning everything rushed through his head and without notice he started to cry. He remembered all the past things, wives, Seungcheol and Soonyoung. It was overwhelming. As he was lying on the bed, he didn't know how to feel if sad or happy, almost 1000 years of life ended in a blink of an eye and when he remembered those seconds and the slight brush of his lips against Soonyoung's, he felt like his heart skipped a beat. It felt surreal. It had to be like that since he was a kid, how all that things could be real? But it felt like that. He covered his eyes with his forearm as the tears didn't stop to overflow. At that second when he closed his eyes and breathed deep and slowly, JiHoon understood how Soonyoung might feel, remembering everything, even the first life of them. How overwhelming have been to know, to be so afraid to talk and then so heartbroken of not being able to be with him, all those thoughts rushed, yet he was still a kid and didn't know what to do. He didn't even know if Soonyoung was still alive or that their misery had ended when he died.   
  
How lonely and heartbreaking was all of that, the unknown of their destiny and the lonely his soul felt the lack of his other half.   
  
Even when JiHoon was a rational being —even after his whole life was full of mysteries and magic—, he had hope that one day, he'll meet Soonyoung, he'll find him. He surely will find him because their souls were bonded together. They were meant.   
  
Yet nobody prepared him to the loneliness, not even his years seeking for death.   
  
  


2

  
  
JiHoon always had loved the taste of coffee, no matter how many years passed and the coffee was the same it tasted different from barista to barista and from beverage to beverage. He enjoyed it. He was sitting in a lonely corner with his earphones and music to the max volume as he worked on his homework. He loved it, the mix between books, notes, music and a good enjoyable coffee. He was immersed in his work that he didn't notice how someone calmly sat across him, not until the person in question pushed a cup if front. He took one of the earbuds.   
  
"Fuck o..." His voice died.   
  
"That's how you treat old friends?" The man’s voice was a charm to his ears, he missed it and had forgotten the playful tone every syllable had and how childish it could sound.   
  
"Oh, God," JiHoon breathed. He stood up fast with his short body, almost tripping when his feet touched the floor, he ran towards the other and hugged him and without even having a second thought, not even aware of his surroundings and he kissed him, he pressed his lips tightly against Soonyoung’s and it felt like heaven, as the ground beneath his feet disappeared and he was floating in such sweetness. All disappeared when Soonyoung pushed him away, not answering such sweet kiss. Soonyoung groaned. "What?" JiHoon asked, frowning.   
  
"You're under age, asshole," Soonyoung breathed a little happy and embarrassed. "I can go to jail, behave," Soonyoung finished and JiHoon could feel his cheeks burn, he had forgotten, all his past mixed in his mind, he had forgotten he just had his 17th birthday weeks ago, yet he chuckled.   
  
"How long?" JiHoon asked, retaking his seat across the table, taking the beverage Soonyoung had placed in front and he couldn't help but smile widely. It was his favorite and Soonyoung had remembered.   
  
"Almost 40 years," Soonyoung said. "Wonwoo has right, we've got another chance." JiHoon took Soonyoung's hand and intertwined his fingers. Everything rushed from the touch, and both stared at their hands.   
  
"Maybe, perhaps, this time we can actually spend it together," JiHoon said his cheeks tinted to red, "and I don't want to waste any second of it."   
  
"Oh god," Soonyoung groaned, "how can you be so bold about the matter? You're what, 14 years old?" JiHoon kicked Soonyoung under the table.   
  
"17" JiHoon answered, "I have been always short but you cannot mock it, okay?"   
  
"I won't," Soonyoung squeezed Jihoon's hand," I don't want to waste any time either."   
  
At the end of the day the kissed in the dark night, their hearts bursting into flames and their stomachs full of nice feelings. For the first time ever, they could spend their lives together, freely, without hiding and grow old together. Ending their lives together, hands clasping together. Dying happily from old age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready, done. I'm happy and there are many things I didn't mention because I didn't feel it was necessary.
> 
> I really hope this have enough closure for you as it did for me. It has something close to an open ending and I love it, I think I'm pretty much in love on how this ended up to be. It was perfect for me and I really hope it does for you. 
> 
> Someone told me that it would be better if Seungcheol had stayed with Jihoon but the truth is, it doesn't. If Seungcheol was with Jihoon, he would never love Soonyoung and that wouldn't be bad for Soonyoung since he was his soulmate only and Jihoon's happiness was his own and Soonyoung's happiness was Jihoon's. Yet the person he was always meant to love as lovers and spent his life with was Seungcheol. It sad but it never felt like it for them. So, the time he wasn't with Seungcheol was the only time both of them could have feelings for each other. Their first life and this one were the only ones they loved each other like that.
> 
> If there's any question don't be shy. I think I missed some bits of infor through the story.

**Author's Note:**

> I wish you could give me some feedback on the story, this is something I'm really attached to, it took me too long to decide what's going to happen and to wirte it so please, tell me what you think. It gonna have a cute ending I swear. cofcofI'lltrytocofcof


End file.
